Doubleife – Because one life is never enough

Carpe Diem

Archive for the category “Tips and Tricks”

Get a Grip

So I was watching Weeds last night. Beginning of the most recent season on Netflix and suddenly right before two of the characters have spontaneous sex, in a hospital room mind you, and the female character says “Hold on I have to take my weight out.” So she reaches in and hands it to the male character who is impressed and surprised by the heaviness of such a small long egg shaped object. She went on to explain how it is rebuilding her pelvic floor muscles after having twins and that she has been “getting pretty buff down there.” Then he says (cheesily mind you) “Oh…Buff Muff” and they go at it again.
OK Stop. I had to look this up. So here it is!

So ….they are called Vaginal Weights

They look like this:

And you can buy them here:

Vaginal weight lifting

Everyone has heard of weight lifting with weigh machines or free weights, like barbells, dumbbells and even kettlebells, but now there’s a new kid on the block. Vaginal weights are coming to a store near you. No, I’m not making it up. Just like traditional weights, vaginal weights exist to exercise and build up muscle groups. In this case, the muscle group in question is a rather intimate one. Vaginal weights were created to exercise the pelvic muscle groups responsible for tone in the vagina and surrounding structures.
Read the Full Article Here:


The article goes on to talk about SUI (Stress Urinary Incontinence) and the pros and cons of this product. However I needed more info.


In the same search I found these and they looked like even more fun!

I found them HERE: BenWa

See the little description on this box right there. It says “Ben Wa Balls with Silicone Strap”

CLICK! I’ve heard of Ben Wa Balls! So basically you do a 15 min workout every day and over time you get back and possibly gain more muscle control throughout your pelvic floor muscle groups.

And then I found this gem.


My First Ben Wa Balls: A Detailed Account

I found myself, not long after the New Year began, with my husband in my somewhat local adult video warehouse looking at Ben Wa balls.

Ben Wa balls are meant to be inserted into your vagina and left in there for at least 15 minutes a day. The balls supposedly give your vaginal wall muscles a workout, similar to doing Kegel exercises. Over time your vagina gets tighter and stronger, leading to more satisfying sex for both you and your partner.

I’d always heard people speak about Ben Wa balls but have never known anyone to use them, or at least admit that they do. But they always sounded sexy and a little dirty to me, in a good way. So as part of my New Year’s resolution to be even more open minded, sexually and otherwise, I decided the time had come to purchase a pair for myself.

In the store, I spent a good 15 minutes in the Ben Wa aisle, next to the anal beads and giant renditions of multi-ethnic penises, reading the backs of the packages and imagining what the different types of balls would feel like. Some packages had four balls, some had two. They came in all different sizes and materials; some were silicone while others were glass or metal. And some were joined together by a tether meant to hang out of your vagina, making it easier to pull them out. Those seemed like a cop-out to me. I wanted the real thing.

I ended up buying the glass ones because they just seemed more sanitary. Glass is impermeable and easy to clean. Plus they came in a little satin box that reminded me of the kind of box my engagement ring would have come in if I had gotten an engagement ring. (Got an awning for my house instead. Much more useful and cost effective.)

The balls were easy to insert (instructions say to use lubricant) and I did have the sensation of being vaginally full. And it was a pleasurable feeling though not enough to bring me to climax. I did some housework with them in and then some work at my computer. Then my husband came home and we tested them out that way as well.

The results? I’m a believer and I like them. I didn’t really get any benefit from having them in while getting it on with my husband. But I’ll use them as a way to tighten things up. Already, after a week, I feel some difference.

One word of advice, for the beginner or for the woman who isn’t comfortable playing gynecologist with herself, buy the kind with the tether. Because though the first Ben Wa ball comes out easily for me each time, the second one always seems to get stuck. Just so you know.

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Guess what I want….

Thanks for the Mammaries

As the bearer of large breasts (DDD cup) any type of message that leads to my not only getting to keep them but also giving me an opportunity to prevent breast cancer I am ALL for it! No my life would not be over if I didn’t have breasts but I have become a bit attached to them. As much as they get in the way I love them. They are natural and I have made my peace with their occasional inconveniences in favor of the convenient fun I get out of having them. I have even taken to proudly wearing lower cut necklines. I didn’t always feel they had a lot to offer.


Squeezing breasts could prevent cancer, best study ever say

Getting to second base, the holy grail for hormonal boys, is now science: New research has shown that squeezing breasts could prevent malignant breast cells from causing cancer. This doesn’t give pervy dudes license to grope you on the subway, ladies, but it does mean boob-grabbing should be a regular part of your self-care routine (yes, absolutely try it DIY-style). Experiments found that physical pressure led cells back to normal growth patterns, and that even after compression was no longer applied, the malignant cells stopped growing. Spread the word, boob-lovers of the world.

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7 Amazing Things to Know About Breasts

Breasts want freedom.
Bras restrict the movement of lymphatic fluid through the breasts, underarm, and shoulders, thus causing toxins to build up in the breast tissue. Underwire bras are the worst culprit, as the metal also can disrupt the energy flow through the breast area. A recent French study has shown that women who don’t wear bras actually have perkier breasts even as they age. Exercising, dance, and rebounding without a bra also allows the body’s movements to support lymphatic flow and proper drainage of the breasts. The natural movement of the breasts as the body exercises and moves is another essential component to lymphatic health in the breasts. (grrr…I love being braless but with size comes sag and I prefer the look of my breasts in a supportive, well fitted, underwire bra)

Breasts need massage.
There is no muscle tissue in a women’s breasts, so breasts need assistance to enhance circulation through the breast. A woman’s breasts are mostly fat tissue along with milk ducts, connective tissue, nerves, and lymph glands. Self breast massage is an important regular practice for women to support their blood and lymph circulation and reduce build-up of toxins and hormones in the fatty tissue of the breasts. Massage your breasts daily with a natural cold-pressed vegetable oil, such as coconut, almond, or jojoba oil. You can also add pure essential oils such as rose, jasmine, or clary sage to your massage oil base. I’m not talking about “man-handling” here, I’m talking about gentle self massage in which you get to know what your breasts feel like, notice any changes, and use gentle lymphatic and circulatory movements to enhance health. (This I enjoy!)

Breasts are hot.
It has been well-documented that a woman’s breasts will synchronize with her newborn baby to become the perfect temperature. When a mother and baby are skin-to-skin postpartum, her breasts will naturally adjust their temperature to regulate the baby’s body temperature optimally. A mother of twins will have each of her breasts match the ideal temperature for each one of her twins. A women’s breasts are more reliable and efficient than any baby warmer. So breasts are totally hot – just not in the way people usually talk about. (Neither of my children drank from a bottle…ever)

Breastmilk has a gazillion medicinal uses.
Breastmilk is pretty much the most amazing food substance available to mankind. Mother’s milk is completely unique and not possible to replicate (despite what you may have heard from the formula companies). It actually changes minute by minute, day to day, to provide exactly the right nourishment and immunities that a baby needs as determined by the breast through receiving information from the baby’s saliva on the areola. There are over 400+ identified nutrients in human breast milk, including probiotics and an abundant source of stem cells. The first milk that comes out is colostrum, which is rich with immune factors and is considered to be “liquid gold”, and extremely important for the life-long health of the baby. Breastmilk is also used by wise mamas for many purposes including putting on diaper rash, earaches, pink eye, sore throats, and many other healing needs. When a women breastfeeds the breastmilk bathes her milk ducts as it passes through to her baby, thus providing increased breast health and preventing breast cancer in direct relation to how long she nurses. (Yeah…breastmilk is truly amazing…tastes good too!)

Breasts are energy centers.
Traditional Chinese Medicine is a complete system of health that has been practiced for thousands of years, based upon the movement of energy through the body on the meridians (energy lines) and acupoints (nodes of energy on the meridians). There are six meridians that run through the breast area, and three of them are the Kidney, Liver, and Stomach meridians where most breast lumps and cancer develop. TCM treats breast cancer by addressing the energy stagnation and movement of qi. Acupuncture and TCM are holistic ways to promote breast health and can be used in combination with other health care treatments as well. Massaging the acupressure points along the meridians, or holding these energy points around the breasts, can help with promoting breast and whole body health and vitality. Underwire bras can also interfere with the energy moving through the meridians in the breasts, another reason to let your boobs go free, or invest in a soft supportive natural fiber bra. (Will have to look into this further)

Breasts are a lot like canaries.
You’ve heard about the canary in the coal mine? Miners would take canaries down in the mines with them, because the birds were so sensitive that if the environment was toxic the canaries would die, and then the miners would know to get out of there immediately! Breasts are extremely sensitive, they receive information from the environment and their tissues collect toxins and hormones, like jet fuel and flame retardants. When breastfeeding, the saliva from the baby is absorbed into the areola and the breasts then immediately respond by providing the nutrients and immune factors that the baby needs based upon the breast’s incredibly sensitive receptors. Breast cancer is now the most common form of cancer for women in the US, and it’s not because breasts or our genes are the problem. Our breasts are the canaries letting us know that our environment is toxic and we must make changes in our health, diets, exposure, and detox. Due to the over 70,000 chemicals now used in the US over the last 100 years, we are living in a toxic soup and exposed to chemicals in our air, food, water, homes, cars, clothes, and more. Our breasts are letting us know that we need to create a healthy change for our longevity and the future generations. (Mind blown yet?)

Breasts are beautiful.
Your breasts are perfect for you. All kinds of breasts are beautiful. Breasts change in shape and size over life, and that’s okay. Some men like large breasts, others prefer small breasts, and some like medium sized. Whatever shape or size of your boobs is just right. Love your breasts! They have superpowers, they are intelligent, and they are amazing! In Mongolia, when a baby fusses, everyone lifts up their shirt and shakes their breasts for the baby, and the baby calms down and looks around amazed. Everyone laughs and smiles shaking their boobs, including mom, grandma, and grandpa too! So smile and love your boobs, they are awesome. (Mongolia you say? I knew they were cool somehow…now I know. hehe)

Viva La Boobies!

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So, I have even more pride in my breasts now more than ever. I will be placing a lot more focus on the girls (a term I never really used) and squeeze them for extra love AND preventative measures.

Girls on Girls

When I was in college I was in a class that focused on Women’s Issues and of course the class was packed with sexually open-minded ladies like myself. The only guys to grace the class were those with (or without) brain enough to realize this was going to be explicit shit. I saw more pussy in this class than in all the porn videos I had seen to date. (to be honest I hadn’t seen all that much at that point but I changed that later) I learned all about Annie Sprinkle and felt empowered that my body was awesome…even down there!

It was in this class that we broke into small discussion groups and started talking, off topic mind you, about each others “lesbian” experiences. I really didn’t think I could be all that included in the conversation since my status has always been staunchly focused on the acquisition of cock not pussy. But as some of the girls began recounting their experiences I said to myself “HEY…I’ve showered intimately with another girl and wanted to touch her.”, “I have fingered another girl under the covers while she fingered me.”, and by the time the conversation was over I had racked up at least 4 seperate experiences and that made me feel a bit better about how, not only, normal I was but how open minded outside of my previously conceived sexual rigidity I was.

Amusingly the guy in our group sat silently among us hesitant to speak and disturb any of the stories being recounted, not unlike a zoologist observing the wild creatures around them…no sudden movements. hehe We would each glance over to him like an outsider and snicker and giggle as he stared out like he was behind a pane of glass. One girl really had a talent for making him squirm…on purpose. But I digress…

A close friend introduced me to the following author, and her writing really struck a chord with me. I have included an excerpt from her book The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks by Jen Sincero. Don’t forget that my comments are the one’s in bold brackets.

The Joy of Sex with Chicks

…Several things about this experience (sleeping with chicks) really struck me, because they were so remarkably different from being with a guy.

1. When you are with another girl the roles can switch back and forth in a much more equal way than they do with a guy. You can be the butch one, totally in control, throwing her around in bed then switch to being submissively girly. It obviously depends on who you are sleeping with, since some women identify with being more dominant or submissive and aren’t up for flippy-flopping, but if you get with someone who hasn’t chosen sides you can switch back and forth and feel fully in either role, which I find incredibly hot. This is not to say you can’t do something similar with men-I have been with stunningly open and experimental guys-but even if you put them in a dress, strap them down, and make them call you Daddy they still have a dick and you still have a pussy, which automatically makes them more masculine and you more feminine. Without that biological reality you’re totally free to be whatever, and I found that incredibly liberating to feel one hundred percent on both sides. (Even though I believe I have chosen the submissive side I am not particularly sure I would feel like I have should I have the opportunity to be with another woman. And this just illustrates how it could be advantageous to BE more open should you partner also be up for the dual role switching.)
2. The way women orgasm is so different from the way guys do. We don’t need to stop and recharge before starting up again, so we can go on till the break of dawn without a time-out. I never in my life had non-stop sessions like i did with girls. It’s crazy! It can bring you to a state of prolonged excitement that it’s almost unbearable. There were times when I thought I was going to have a heart attack. (This is where I am kicking myself. Well first of all, I have NEVER been with a guy that felt any interest in giving me more than one, two at the most, orgasms so this experience ALONE would rock my world so I can only imagine it would be just as amazing for her.)
3. I found that everytime I did something to her I could imagine doing it to myself. So much so that I could practically feel it even if I wasn’t touching myself at all. The combo of watching her get off and imagining what it must feel like could bring me to orgasm. (I have never done this but can get behind the idea of actually feeling something happening despite not having any actual physical stimulation.)
4. Women’s bodies are incredibly soft! They are like the softest pillows in the world. This has made me totally understand why men go apeshit over us. It also made me aware of my own body’s softness, and made me feel incredibly sexy in a way I never had before. (Just reading this made me really think hard about my own body and feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin.)
5. Lastly, because we live in a society that has a large stick up its ass, and also because my sexual hometown is Straightsville, (I grew up in that town too!) sleeping with someone I wasn’t “supposed” to made me feel kind of kinky. This turned me on like nobody’s business. I felt a teeny bit nasty, dirty and queer, and I think this helped me step outside of my sexual box more than I ever had before. I did stuff with girls that I always wanted to try-we went to sex clubs, tied each other up, dabbled in S&M, and enjoyed the wide world of sex toys. I attribute a large part of this to the fact that I was with like-minded kinky and adventurous souls whom I trusted and … (Yeah, I have totally always trusted girls to have a more natural compassion and sensible understanding for making each other feel good and safe not just emotionally but physically. This just makes total sense that I could open up more sexually without as much fear of shame or self-consciousness…hell I flash my girlfriends tits and ass just for a laugh without a second thought so how big of a jump would it be to just touch each other??? If we were both into it that is.)
Buy the Book: Copyrighted Material

So this is also an apology to the girl I turned down. She was cute, sweet and vulnerable and I was young, sexually insecure and naive. I have regretted being an immature ass, without the good enough sense to not laugh in her face, for putting herself out there and telling me she found me attractive and wanted to go out with me. I am horrified at my 20 year old self’s behavior and if I had to go back in time I would do things very differently!!! I hope she can forgive me.

Come on, Out with it.

Faking an orgasm, for me, is one of my biggest no nos. It is either going to happen or it isn’t…for either of us. Do I feel self conscious, Yes. Does that mean I should lie about something that makes me feel euphoric, No. Does it mean if my partner works harder it will happen, Maybe. Does it mean that if he doesn’t cum that I will feel responsible, Sometimes. The real key is making eachother feel good and THAT comes with verbally acknowledging what is happening even if you aren’t sure why it isn’t “happening for you.”

I have had many times in my past sexual history gasped and moaned and even cried out but if you have EVER seen me cum it is UNMISTAKABLE. It is not something I can hide, lie about or fake because it involves my entire being. By faking an orgasm, for me, is like cheating myself. Now not ALL women feel this way and to each her or his own. My partner still knows I am enjoying myself by other signals but reaching that precipice and diving off it is not something to be dismissed like something on a checklist of chores. I refuse to spray Lysol in the room an claim I have been hard at work cleaning all day so why would I bother lying about a climax.

The article below made a lot of sense and gives insight into the reality of faking it and making it!

Why faking an orgasm isn’t as harmless as you may think. Learn how to reach your peak—for real.

Faking it happens. A lot. In fact, studies show that 60 percent of women have delivered an Oscar-worthy performance between the sheets. And while it’s commonly assumed that women pretend to climax in order to boost a partner’s ego or speed up a snoozy romp, new research from Temple University found that for many women, there are other factors at work—among them, a fear of being vulnerable, insecurity about their skills in bed, and the choice to use their faux O as a means to increase their own arousal. While there’s little harm in the occasional bluff, here’s why you should curb the counterfeit climaxing and find your true peak potential.

Fear of Vulnerability
If a woman isn’t emotionally ready to open up to her partner, faking it can be a way to keep the guy at arm’s length. A few reasons: She may be wary of becoming too dependent on the guy, or of becoming engulfed by his personality or world and thus losing herself. “There’s a vulnerability and emotional risk that comes with climaxing in front of someone,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. A fear of rejection or icky issues from a past relationship may also keep a woman from revealing herself. Bona fide O’s require “truly surrendering to the experience and not worrying about being judged,” she says. But if you resist letting go, it’s nearly impossible to be swept up in the awesomely authentic sensations.

O-vercome it: Amp up the trust and intimacy you need inside the bedroom by speaking up more outside of it, says Women’s Health advisor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good. “Being authentic about expressing who you are is the key to better sex,” she says. Start small: Confide a secret or share an embarrassing story, and when he asks where you want to eat dinner, pick a place instead of saying “Anywhere is fine,” says Herbenick. “Men and women who are emotionally close will have an easier time being honest with their partner about how sex feels for them—whether it feels good enough to lead to an orgasm,” she says. Improve your bond during the day and you’ll be more comfortable directing him “to the left, a little softer, now faster”—and ultimately letting yourself let go—when the lights are out. (this is where I am a bit shy…gasp…I know, hard to believe but in person I like being read. It’s a quirk, not a useful one but certainly one I could change. I guess it just sounds to my ears like I am being bossy and since I lean more toward the submissive I hesitate to verbalize my needs in the moment.)

Some women put on bed-rattling performances because they’re insecure about how long it takes them to climax or what it actually takes to get them there, says Vivienne Cass, Ph.D., author of The Elusive Orgasm. “They see these highly orgasmic women in movies and think that’s the norm,” she says. Meanwhile, men who watch porn—i.e., most of them—are used to seeing women get off in seconds, which adds to the pressure.

O-vercome it: Be honest about your expectations, and push him to do the same, says Fulbright. A grand finale is not always a given. According to a study from the University of Chicago, only 5 percent of women always climax through intercourse, while nearly 35 percent rarely or never do. In fact, you and your guy probably need to get a little creative. “Research shows that most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, through masturbation, stimulation from a partner, or oral sex,” says Charlene L. Muehlenhard, Ph.D., professor of clinical psychology at the University of Kansas. (yeah…I don’t remember the last time or if I EVER had a vaginal orgasm. I am more of a clitoral stimulation gal myself but getting there needs communication.)

Ramp up your coital confidence by becoming more familiar with the touches and sensations that make you tick, says Herbenick. When you’re alone, try masturbating, fantasizing, or using a vibrator. When you’re with your partner, do some hotter-sex homework: Explore each other’s bodies for the sole purpose of figuring out what turns you on—with zero intention of orgasm. Then you can show each other what it takes to push you over the edge. (What’s that you say…mutual masterbation…why yes that sounds like a wonderful idea!)

Libido Enhancement
Gasps, growls, heavy breathing, and other faux-O methods can be a big turn-on for women, according to research from Erin B. Cooper, a doctoral student in clinical psychology at Temple University. In her study, women reported that imitating an orgasm increased their levels of arousal and upped the intensity of sex. Plus, common sense holds that if you appear to be on the brink of ecstasy, your guy will most likely kick things into high gear, improving the odds for an authentic finish.

O-vercome it: You may not have to. It’s usually fine to keep “fake it to make it” in your better-sex bag of tricks, as long as your guy knows it’s not his shortcoming but rather something that turns you on, says Herbenick. That said, it can be just as effective to take part in the sweaty, loud fanfare and shelve the fake finish. Try spicing things up with dirty talk (what a wonderful idea!) or visualizing having an orgasm as you approach climax, she says. It may sound like psychobabble, but imagining the sensations of an orgasm in your head—the sights, smells, and sounds—can help push you over the top. And then you can leave the faux O’s for those women on the big screen.

Now hear this: A whopping 80 percent of women admitted to making pleasure sounds such as moaning and groaning half of the time when they knew they weren’t going to climax, found researchers from the University of Central Lancashire and the University of Leeds in the U.K. Oddly enough, women reported being quiet during masturbation (I don’t personally cry out but the my heavy breathing is a big indication) and oral sex (In this scenario I try but can rarely keep quite), i.e., when they were more likely to orgasm. Why the yowls of half-hearted passion? “Women know that being loud in bed can enhance the physical intensity of the experience for her partner,” explains Diana Hoppe, M.D., author of Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You. It’s all good to give him a little audio feedback, but if you’re not truly enjoying yourself, offer him more specific heat-of-the-moment direction in lieu of a synthetic sound track. You’ll make beautiful music—together.

His Pretend Pleasure
It’s not just us— guys fake it too. According to researchers at the University of Kansas, a quarter of the men studied said they’ve acted out an orgasm during sex. Most men reported faking it because reaching orgasm was unlikely or taking too long, while others were bored, tired, or not in the mood, says study author Charlene L. Muehlenhard, Ph.D.

The telltale signs? The men in the study who artificially O’d said they did so by thrusting harder or faster, clenching their muscles or freezing up, verbally expressing that they had reached orgasm, or acting exhausted afterward. (The study also showed that guys were more likely to say that they faked it because their partner was unattractive, while women were more likely to fess up to faking it when they felt their partner was unskilled.)

We polled guys on to get their POV on phony climaxes:

41% believe there has been a time when both he and his partner faked it.
59% say they can tell when a woman fakes it. How? (
36% say it’s because she’s overly dramatic.
21% of guys would pass up the chance to climax for real in order to fake an O at the “right” time.
46% think the best way to fake an orgasm is to use a condom and trash it before his partner gets a look.
23% say the best way is to keep the lights out! (where is the fun in that???)
61% of men who haven’t faked an orgasm say they would do so.

Read the Full Article:

So I will continue to be honest about my O and you can do what ever the hell you want, but hopefully this has helped.

Slipping in the Backdoor

image11Yes, I am posting late today. So it is only fair that I not only insinuate that I am using the title of today’s post in more ways than one. I have been investigating Anal Play. Based on feedback from friends and a very minimal personal experience with the topic it deserves attention. Many men have a proclivity for Anal Play and BSDM partners are in to (as I am discovering) pushing limits and testing boundaries so it is only normal to make it a topic worth investigating.

My current fascination is with the prep work. The “training” with the use of Anal Plugs and Beads has been a topic of discussion and I find myself curious. So away we go.


Just because you haven’t done it yet doesn’t mean it’s not fun! That’s what a lot of lovers are discovering about the joys of anal sex toys, either as part of foreplay or during sex. But if neither you nor your partner have tried anal toys, you may be a little confused about exactly what those funny-shaped things are and how to use them. Anal sex toys fall into three main categories: anal beads, anal plugs, and prostate massagers or vibrators.

But first, a little about sex lube (lube should always come first in anal play!). A good anal sex lube is an important part of the fun: because the “back door” has no natural lubricant and the area is very delicate, it needs a thicker lube than usual. Pick a high-quality sex lube designed specifically for anal use. Or try a slight numbing lube, especially good for first-timers. You might have to continue adding lubricant during anal play, no matter which kind you use.

The biggest rule in anal play is to take it slow and easy: nothing in anal play should ever hurt or be uncomfortable. Communication with your partner is an important part of the experience: tell him or her what feels good and what doesn’t.

Warming up: The second most important rule in anal play is to relax the anal area. This is where the fun foreplay really begins, with a nice relaxing massage of the entire ass. Start with one of Adam and Eve’s erotic massage oils. Massage the buttocks in a slow and sexy motion with your hands, letting your partner get really relaxed (but don’t let him or her fall asleep!). Then, lube up your little finger and (informing your partner first — no surprises in anal warm-ups) sloooooowly insert it in the anus, just a little way. Massage the anus opening slowly with the finger, until you feel your partner relax, and keep inserting the finger and massaging. If your partner feels uncomfortable at any point, stop and back up. This will also tell you how far you can insert an anal toy to start. And when you’re using your finger, be sure to trim and file the nail. If you have long nails, try a cotton ball around the nail and use a latex glove.

Anal Beads: These are the easiest and most comfortable to use for beginners, especially the “graduated-size” beads that start small and get gradually bigger. Graduated beads often come in “sticks” of soft flexible material like silicone or jelly connecting the beads. A good example of these beads are jelly anal beads with 10 beads that start at only a quarter-inch diameter. Of course there are beads on actual strings, and even vibrating anal beads that light up and flash in different colors — you have to see these work to believe them!). And if you’re worried that these toys might get lost “up there,” relax: anal beads come with handles. To see Adam and Eve’s great selection of anal beads and toys, go here.

How to use them: Remember to lube up generously! Insert the beads slowly, giving your partner a chance to get used to the feel. When your partner says the beads feel good, stop inserting and leave the beads in during sex. When your partner starts to climax, pull the beads out one at a time, straight down, during orgasm. Be prepared for screams of pleasure.

Anal Plugs: Anal or butt plugs are designed to stay in place during sex. They’re tapered cones to glide in easily, but quickly widen for more sensations. Our advice to beginners is to start small with one of the plugs pictured here. Butt plugs can vibrate or not, and many of them come with a suction-cup base for solo play. Then there are plugs that are more like a combination of anal beads and butt plugs For a mind-bending sensation, you can also get anal plugs that vibrate. For a few of our multiple-speed plugs, see our selection here.

How to use them: You can leave the plug in place all during sex, or during masturbation. Start slowly, breathe deeply and relax your sphincter muscles as the plug goes in. Eventually, your muscles will relax just below the widest part of the plug, holding it in place. Don’t panic if it comes out: using an anal plug takes practice as your muscles get used to the sex toy.

Read the Full Article:


Butt plugs are a great way to explore anal sensations and anal play. Many people will also start playing with butt plugs as a way to gear up to having anal intercourse with a partner. If you’re just starting to explore this kind of play we recommend reading our article on enjoying anal play which covers the basics. Once you’re ready to start playing with your butt plug here are some tips on where to start.

start solo
Even if you’re planning on using a butt plug with a partner, we recommend starting out on your own. This gives you the chance to explore and experiment with your new butt plug without any distractions (pleasant though they may be). Using a butt plug on your own is also important as it’s the only way you’ll be able to tell a partner how you want them to use it on you.

cleanliness before…
When you get your butt plug home be sure to wash it well before first use. Look it over carefully and check for tears, seams, or rough edges. Make sure you’ve read and understood the care instructions for the material your butt plug is made of.

keep yourself clean while getting dirty
Bacteria that live happily in the anus can cause major problems elsewhere, like the vagina, the mouth, the eyes. When you’re playing with anal penetration you need to be careful not to touch other parts of your body (or things like your bottle of lube) with fingers or toys that have been inside your bum. We recommend using condoms on butt plugs and using gloves for your hands. This makes clean up much easier and faster, which lets you move on to other things.

don’t forget the lube
You should use a good quality lubricant with all toys for penetration but this is especially true for butt plugs and other toys for anal penetration. The anus and rectum can tear and adding lubricant makes anal penetration both safer and more comfortable. When using the lube, squeeze some into your gloved hand and rub it along the shaft and tip of the butt plug. You will likely have to add more lube during sex play.

butt plug as main event
Start slowly using your butt plug for penetration. Remember not to force it in, but instead press it against your body and relax, breathe, and bare down a bit until you can feel your sphincter muscles relax and the butt plug slips in. Once you’re inside, you can play with gently pushing the butt plug in and then letting it slip out. As you get more turned on and more relaxed you’ll be able take more of the butt plug in, until you get to the point where it’s in all the way and your sphincter muscles are around the neck of the plug.

learning to control your muscles
The first few times you use a butt plug it will likely slide out (or even come shooting out) when you let go of the base of the plug. As you get more comfortable anal penetration you can learn to control your muscles and keep the butt plug in. This won’t always work (for example laughing and sneezing will both cause the plug to slip out whether you like it or not). Once you’re comfortable taking the butt plug all the way in, you can start to play with control by allowing it to slip out a little, and then try to draw it back in. With time, practice, and increased comfort you can gain more control.

butt plug as side show
Once you can insert your plug all the way with comfort, and you have some control over it staying in, you can explore other sex acts while having a butt plug in place. Try masturbating to orgasm, or having sex with your partner. See what it feels like to massage your perineum, or stimulate other parts of your body while you’ve got your butt plug in place. Many people report that having an orgasm with a butt plug really increases the intensity of the orgasm and their body awareness during orgasm.

partner meet butt plug
The main drawback to using a butt plug as opposed to your own body is that you don’t get the same immediate feedback loop. This means using butt plugs requires lots of communication if you’re using it on a partner or letting a partner use one on you. If you’re looking for a toy you can use for anal penetration with a partner, we recommend anal safe dildos instead of butt plugs. A much better way to use butt plugs with a partner is for one or both of you to have one in while having other kinds of partner sex. You can make putting the plug in part of sex, but once a plug is in, they’re mostly meant to stay there, at least for a few minutes.

double penetration
A few people like to use butt plugs for double penetration. Double penetration is an activity that requires a lot of patience, lubricant, and protection if you’re going to do it safely. For women it’s important to remember not to transfer any fluids or material from the anus to the vagina. If you’re interested in exploring double penetration we recommend reading about it first, and starting with small butt plugs.

Read the Full Article:

So off I go…ending the day just under the wire. More intrigued and willing to open the door.

Waxing Poetic

Over the years I have made it a point feel good about my body having adopted the philosophy that I make my own happiness. For years I lived in a community that made me rethink the practicality of shaving my legs and armpits. It was intimidating at first. I had been shaving since I was a teenager and had a deeply ingrained psychology that clean smooth legs are the standard expectation of the general public. I had to reprogram my need to please others with my choice of having hair free legs and stop caring about the needs of other in favor of my own personal comfort. I was done shaving and that was that. To this day I have not shaved my legs once in 14 years.

In that time, my community has changed but my own comfort level has not me compromised but altered. A close friend from the area asked me some key questions about my choices not to shave out of authentic curiosity (I respect that having a health dose of my own.) I shared my distain for the ritual of shaving several times a week for optimal hairless plus my own accounts of sitting in the laps of women as a child and feeling that horribly uncomfortable stubble beneath my own smooth and sensitive thighs. Who wasn’t to experience that? So she went on to introduce me to the art of waxing. I was not a fan of pain but am a firm believer in weighing my options with pros and cons. I still liked the concept of smooth legs but was not willing to compromise with a razor or depilatory products. She gave me the number of her waxer and I called and here I am 8 years later getting my first brazilian wax.

That’s right. I just got my first (US) Brazilian wax (everything clean off.) Now I had shaved clean down there, once years and years ago, and for a full week the discomfort was worth NEVER repeating. Sure it looked great and I was smooth for all of 12 hours but the pain, itching and reddened irritated skin drove me to manhandle my privates in very public venues just for the sake of relief and my embarrassment was enough to last a lifetime. It has been just about 24 hours since my wax session, as of this moment, and the area is pain and irritation free. If you have a low threshold for pain a OTC pain med like Tylenol or Advil taken 30 minutes before the appointment will make any swelling and pain very manageable.

I made the choice to go for the drastic change for the sake that I had for years thought of making the move but chickening out at the last moment opting for a bikini wax instead. It took time to feel comfortable enough to go that deep but it was all for me. My partner had no say in the decision and I am all the happier for my choice. So would I do it again?…YES! Will I keep it up? (no less than every 6 weeks to keep the skin of this sensitive area safe) I intend to try. So I have provided further evidence in the article below that this is indeed a worthy pursuit.


Brazilian wax, playboy bikini wax, a panty-line wax, full monty wax or the Sphinx? Which waxing method do you prefer? If you are confused, don’t worry. Allow us to tell you that if you’re looking for your bikini bottom to look hair free and super sexy, Brazilian waxing is the most popular option around. Check out a few benefits of Brazilian waxing and decide for yourself.

1. Be worry free with your low cut denims and skimpy bikinis
Forget your worries about bending over in your hot pants or raising your hands up in the air in your low rise denims. The benefit of Brazilian waxing is that it will give you a clean bikini line with which you can wear the skimpiest triangular bikini or lingerie without worrying about a single strand of hair showing. Due to this benefit of Brazilian waxing, it is also popularly called “Hollywood waxing”. (Well I am not personally a fan of low rise jeans for my specific shape but I can certianly see the attraction.)

2. Have advanced pleasure in sexual intimacy with the benefits of Brazilian waxing
We think this can be a very personal choice for your partner. Some men like their women to be completely clean from the pubic area, but for some men, this can be a complete turn off. But we sure have heard about the various benefits of Brazilian waxing to increase pleasure during foreplay or sex. The smooth sensation on bare skin can give some women goosebumps! (Yeah…It is a good thing)

3. Brazilian waxing lasts longer than shaving
Well, it’s pretty obvious that waxing lasts longer than shaving. But trust us ladies, this benefit of Brazilian waxing is so good that you’ll get addicted to it. Imagine not spending hours in the shower cleaning up your bikini bottom area every third day? And the other really amazing benefit of Brazilian waxing is that even the pores of your skin won’t start opening and showing up, as they do with shaving. (HELLO!!!!)

4. Brazilian waxing reduces in-growth
We women have always complained of shaving giving us in-growth, right? Then imagine what shaving could do to your pubic area? Amongst many benefits of Brazilian waxing, what we love is that Brazilian waxing doesn’t give in-growth. Small in-grown hair in the bikini area can bring extreme rashes, redness and flaky as well as itchy, skin. Say goodbye to all these irritants with the benefits of Brazilian waxing. (Can we get an AMEN?)

5. Brazilian waxing feels more hygienic
Once you get Brazilian waxing done, you will definitely feel that it is more hygienic than other waxing methods for the pubic area. Brazilian waxing helps in reducing dead skin over the pubis and bacteria occurring from vaginal discharge. One of the biggest benefits of Brazilian waxing over shaving is that there are lesser chances of razor cuts causing your skin to bleed. After a Brazilian waxing session, you will feel so clean and light as a feather! (exhaled sigh of relief….ahhhhhhhh)

Read the Full Article:

There once was a girl from the county
who waxed all the hair off her bounty
every time she’s alone
she just lets her hands roam
all over her smooth little mound-y


Having a Ball

World Largest Collection of Male Masturbation Synonyms

From this woman’s point of view, I have been facinated by the concept of male masturbation. It is interesting to watch, learn and be taught how to handle things for when it is my turn to play. I have had differing views on the practice over the years. Some of my partners have been “difficult to complete” if they came once already that day but others could come over and over in just a few hours (the most was 7 times in 5 hours) but that is another topic all together. What I am saying is I have actually felt jealously, facination and everything in between in response to male masturbation. I guess I have matured to the point now that I am more indifferent about the act but curious just the same because everyone has their own technique.

So I share what I find useful and allow you to “Come to grips with the situation.” hehe


“Just a sec, babe . . . I, er, have to check on my stocks!”
A new survey from adult product peddler reveals that 27 percent of Americans admit to masturbating once or twice a week.

That number seems suspiciously low to us, especially since science has shown that being master of your domain can provide additional feel-great benefits. (Also because the people surveyed were browsing an adult toy website.) “Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist. “It’s totally safe and harmless. It’s healthier than brushing your teeth every day.”

And just as brushing your teeth should be a regular occurrence, so too should be cleaning your pipes. Here are 5 reasons to take matters into your own hands right now. (You’re welcome.)

It prevents cancer. A 2003 Australian study found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Disease-causing toxins build up in your urogenital tract and when you rub one out, you flush the bad guys out of your system, says Brame. (How awesome is that??? It was one of the reasons I breast fed my kids past the age of 3. Cancer prevention that has other major benefits like hormone release is all good in my eyes.)

It makes you harder. As you age, you naturally lose muscle tone … even down there. Regular sex or masturbation works out your pelvic floor muscles to prevent erectile dysfunction and incontinence. “It keeps the angle of your dangle perky,” says Brame. Aim to (ahem) arrive 3 to 5 times a week for rock-solid results. (And seriously, what woman is ever going to complain about that. Viagra would not be nearly as popular either.)

It helps you last longer. Taking yourself to palm prom may help you stretch your sack sessions. “[Masturbating] an hour before a date will give you more control,” says Brame. Train yourself by timing how long it takes you to orgasm, suggests Ava Cadell, Ph.D., founder of If it usually takes two minutes solo, try for three next time. Or count how many strokes you need to get to your happy place. If you’re spurting after 50, shoot for 60. “Most men can double the number of strokes and the time within one month,” Cadell says. Practice makes perfect, right? (Can NOT tell you how many minute men I have met. SUCH a disappointment, especially when he is not willing to lend a hand and get you off too. How RUDE!)

It ups your immunity. Ejaculation increases levels of the hormone cortisol, says Jennifer Landa, M.D., a specialist in hormone therapy. Cortisol, which usually gets a bad rap as a havoc-wrecking stress hormone, actually helps regulate and maintain your immunity in the small doses. “Masturbation can product the right environment for a strengthened immune system,” she says. (And let there be HEALTH! What are those 3 things you aspire for??? Health, Wealth and Happiness… well in the words of Meatloaf…2 outta 3 ain’t bad. Unless you have wealth then good for YOU.)

It boosts your mood. Masturbating releases a slew of feel-good neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that lift your spirits, boost your satisfaction, and activate the reward circuits in your brain. “An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available,” says Brame. “A brain scan of someone having an orgasm looks like a heroin addict’s.” (Of all the addictions to have this has GOT to be the cheapest and easiest to fulfill.)

Read the Full Article:


The following 2 links have tons of information on the topic and have dedicated their existence on the whole male experience.

NOW “Give yourself a Hand” because you earned it.
❤ Z

Beating Around the Bush

371 Euphemisms for Female Masterbation (1-120)

I picked today’s title and several hints throughout the article from this list of euphemisms…and WHO knew there were SO MANY? So the articles I found for this post may or may not be to your liking but they had me thinking, shouting and wanting to share. I have enclosed my personal thoughts in each article in (parentheses and bold)


Men, bless them. They love to think about us masturbating, at least the way they think we masturbate based on porn they’ve seen. If only they could be a fly on the wall when we’re actually pleasuring ourselves. Everything they thought to be true would be rocked. My average self-love sessions are performed without fanfare. Done with bad breath, messy hair, in my old sweat pants, before bed, when I wake up, am feeling stressed, or sad, or bored, or annoyed, or horny. After the jump, some stupid misconception guys have about the way we masturbate.

1.We stick anything and everything in our vaginas. I once had a guy pick up a sculpture of the Eiffel Tower I have on my bookshelf and ask me if I ever stuck it in my vagina. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. He replied, “If I were a woman, I would be sticking stuff in my vagina constantly.” This activated my germophobia beyond belief. All I could think about was what kind of crazy yeast infection I would get if I put that thing in my vag. If I put anything in my vagina — a finger, a vibrator, a penis — I am extremely concerned with it’s cleanliness. (OK who would put ANYTHING with sharp edges into themselves [and don’t you dare talk to me about the dude that broke the glass jar off in his ass.] I am not so much a germaphobe as the author of this article but geez talk about abusing yourself! Veggies yeah just wash and scrub them first, Eiffel Tower NO thank you.)

2. We always do it naked or in sexy lingerie. Men like the way I look naked, I know, but that doesn’t mean I get off on myself. I like my body, but I don’t strip down or put on lingerie to pleasure myself, at least not when diddling alone. I usually have my PJs on considering I tend to get business done before bed to help me fall asleep or when I wake up to help me get my ass up. I’m way too tired, lazy, or un-self-obsessed to take my clothes off. (Sounds about right but panties free is always helpful and since I typically sleep sans panties in a soft dress no real prep work necessary. Who is all that lingerie really for??? NOW you got it.)

3. That the mere sight of a d**k gets us off. I love d**ks for sucking, for f**king, for fondling. But I don’t look at d**ks when I masturbate, I usually think of the person attached to the penis or the act associated with it. A disembodied d**k is not the least bit sexy to me. Masturbation, for me, always starts with an erotic thought, not a phantom penis. (As a rule I don’t need anything if I am ready but porn is fun. I actually LIKE watching videos of men masturbating. But that is me. And yeah it has gotten me off but typically it is from the erotica I read. haha Phantom Penis that is rich.)

4. We masturbate with our girlfriends. This idea kills me. Would I ever call my girlfriends up when I’m horny and ask them to come over for a diddle party? Hell no! Even if I were a lesbian, that wouldn’t happen. Masturbation is private unless I’m doing it in front of a sex partner for fun. (Never done it but I am not a “Hell no!” either. To each her own.)

5. We fondle our boobs while we masturbate. Maybe there are some woman out there who fondle their tits when they touch themselves. But I never have. I am just concentrating on getting the job done. Touching my own boobs doesn’t even remotely excite me. (I didn’t always sensitive nipples. I couldn’t figure out the fascination. I have large breasts and often had very little sensation. That changed when I had kids and breastfed each of them for 3 plus years [it was awesome.] NOW I love nipple stimulation so maybe the author isn’t into it but for me it is like pulling a string and it is directly connected to my pussy. It is amazing!)

6. We need to masturbate every day. Our sex drives vary, lady to lady, and depending on phases in our lives. Personally, I’ve gone through periods of time where I do masturbate every day, or even several times a day. I’ve also gone through complete fondling droughts where I wasn’t into diddling myself for weeks. My self-pleasure drive is usually connected to my mental state or my hormones. I get hornier when I’m ovulating and when I have my period. My sex drive plummets when I’m going through any kind of stressful life event. (Have to agree here. Every day is different. There are days I get really turned on but don’t have the opportunity to ‘Flick the Bean’ because I have obligations or other shit going on but I can go weeks without then all of a sudden I am running for privacy wherever I am for a quick fix.)

7. We masturbate looking at pictures/porn of hot guys or hot girls. I know a few women who look at porn when they masturbate. Not me. It’s all in my head. I draw on past sexy experiences or fantasies when I’m doing it. I do look at porn, but not while I’m masturbating. It will turn me on, then I’ll masturbate, usually thinking about something else. (see #3)

8. We like to look at ourselves in the mirror or stand in front of windows while we do it. A guy once asked me if I masturbated in front of my living room window. I found this to be the most amusing question ever. I realize it was just because he wished he would walk by a window and find a woman masturbating. But no. Never. Watching myself or inviting some random person on the street to watch me does not turn me on. At all. (Tried it [the mirror not the window]… meh. Maybe I didn’t want to watch but it didn’t really do anything for me. As for the window all I can say is I don’t think my inner exobitionist is that into it.)

9. We stick our fingers inside of us. Some of us do, of course, but some of us use vibes or other toys. Some of us just rub something against our clit and never put anything inside. Some of us hump stuff. It depends what mood I’m in or how much energy I have. My fingernails are too sharp for a lot of finger action. I think I would lacerate my labia. No thanks. (I don’t own toys…yet… but I have gotten creative but typically I can agree that my fingers do not always delve inside to get the deed done.)

10. We think it’s really hot to masturbate in the shower. Men probably believe this because THEY masturbate in the shower. Actually, standing up is not an awesome position for me. I do have a shower head that I’ve aimed at my vagina before. I was like, Oh, there’s water shooting at my vagina. OK. Then I continued on with my shower. That was it. (Now here is where I DISAGREE! I love my shower head. [not a toy an essential tool] She was NOT using it right. It takes a skilled hand, patience and the right water pressure. I have it down to a science and standing is NOT a problem.)

Read the Full Article:”

In the following article I took THIS away realizing it was what was most important. It went on to say other revelatory things and the author was very humorous about her experience but the quote below hit home.


She explained, “Orgasms have been very important to my life. I’ve always really depended on them. In a bad mood? Jerk off. Confused? Masturbate. Working on a painting and I’m stuck? Go lay down on the couch and have an orgasm.”

Read the Full Article:

So off I go to double click my mouse…wink wink

Passion Food

I have tried the edible underwear and body paint, sexy dusting powder, and all kinds of syrups and liquids to enhance our bedroom antics with food. I wanted to see what else I could find. Below are all the new and creative ways I could find to reinvigorate my experience with food and sex.

This was my favorite answer
‘What Foods Should be Use During Sex?’
A: What do YOU mean by “sex food”? Are you talking about food you eat during sex or food to play with? What is it you want to do with this food? Feeding each other can be very sensual. Eating can be sensual. I joke that eating the first peach of the season should be a private experience, done naked.( But it’s not really a joke, some passer by at the Farmer’s Market actually told me once that I really shouldn’t do that in public, I didn’t want to miss a single drop and tastes soo good you can’t not make yummy sounds)
What is it you have in mind?- Wild Child
Read more on Women’s Health:

It works for ME. I do EXACTLY the same thing!!!!

The MOST Creative Ideas for Using Food with Sex goes to…


Maybe you’ve incorporated whipped cream or strawberries into your hook ups, but you’ve probably never used these treats in the bedroom. Behold, some very creative ideas that involve sugar, you, your guy, and a whole lotta pleasure. But don’t be fooled—there’s nothing sweet about any of them.

Candy Necklace
Turn one of these into an edible garter. Wear it underneath a skirt or dress, give your guy a sneak peek while you’re out, then have him eat it off you slooowly when you get home.

Melted Chocolate
Warm up a chocolate bar in the microwave for 15 seconds or until it’s gooey around the edges but not totally melted. Stand in the tub without the water on or on top of an old sheet and have him use the bar to draw a trail down your body. Ask him to lick it up without lifting his tongue off of your skin.

Blindfold your guy or send him into another room. Suck on the sour candy for a few seconds before running it over five unexpected hot spots on your body—like behind your knees, on your left nipple, near your collarbone. Then he has to use his sense of taste to find those areas. If he gets all five right, pass him a Warhead and ask him to challenge you.

Sour Belts
While you’re making out, use the belts to playfully whip each other’s butts. Spanking releases feel-good endorphins and dopamine, which up the pleasure factor and increase arousal and excitement, according to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., Cosmo contributor, sex therapist, and author of She Comes First: The Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.

Hot Tamales Candy Spray
Use the spray version of this red-hot cinnamon candy to graffiti each other’s bodies. See which one of you can come up with the naughtiest image or dirtiest phrase. And yeah, you should take turns licking it off.

Candy Buttons
Peel off the dots, lick the back then stick them to all the places you want your guy to pay extra attention to. He has to eat them off your body before you switch roles.

Read the Full Article:

A Few More Ideas…


Freeze Please
There are plenty of frozen treats that can enhance your sexual experience, as well as hers. Ice cubes, for instance, can be used for stimulation by inserting one into your mouth before giving her oral pleasure. Or, if you can’t stand the coolness of the ice in your mouth for too long, why not just hold it in your hand and let the iced water drip onto her nipples and/or clitoris? Before long, she’ll be begging you to heat her up with your body.

On the flip side, why not ask for some reciprocity? Let her take the ice cube into her hot mouth while she wraps it around your manhood. The simultaneous sensations of hot and cold will have an indescribable effect on your member (let alone your testes!).

Even kissing each other’s mouths while you exchange the ice cube is incredibly kinky and exciting. Play around with it while it’s in her mouth or hold it in your teeth and outline her lips and face with it. Sex is all about fun, and a little water never hurt anyone.

The Dream Cream
Everyone has heard of using whipped cream to add a little sweet to the treat, but there’s more to this condiment than just simply placing it on her genitalia and licking it clean. Why not let her hold the bottle and place the cream wherever she wants you to lick her? It’s a fun way to discover her erogenous zones, as well as how far she is willing to take this creamy delight.

Once again, for the men who want equal treat ment, why not turn your member into a whipped cream heaven? If she likes dessert, then she’ll love the treat you have in store for her. Or, if you enjoy having your nipples taunted and teased, place some cream on them and watch her turn into a wild tiger.

Sticky, Sweet & Sinful
Not only can chocolate add some color to your sex lives, it is also believed that chocolate stimulates the production of endorphins, which provide a sense of pleasure or pain. Apparently, chocolate contains a natural substance that allegedly stimulates the same reaction in the body as the feeling of falling in love. So don’t be shy; pour some chocolate syrup all over her anxious body and lick until there’s no trace of chocolate anywhere – then start all over again!

If your lady absolutely loves chocolate, why not dip your stick in some and let her have a taste of Mr. Goodbar? You’d be surprised at how enjoyable fellatio can feel when a woman has the pleasure of devouring a chocolate-covered member.

If chocolate doesn’t tempt your palate, then why not make like a bee and provide your lady with some honey? By using a squeeze bottle, you can make a path down her body leading to the end of a trail where you will ultimately spend most of your time. Although it can get quite sticky, what’s wrong with being somewhat “glued” to someone who sexually intrigues you?

Read the Full Article:

So get out your worst sheets, spread out some towels and get down and dirty with something Sticky Sweet or Spicy and it is bound to be HOT!

Magic for your Muscles

I miss receiving massages. It is one of those things that can easily get lost in a long term relationship that includes kids, grandparents, jobs, and basically life. To give a massage is a commitment in time and selfless attention to your partner. Could it lead to sex? Of course. Should it be the motive behind giving every massage NO…well maybe a little but, you need to read your partner and meet their needs. I wanted to remind myself that it is still out there. The following articles were the best I could find to provide detail and suggestions to make your partner really pleased with the level of pleasure you want to deliver.

For the Guys:


Guys, let’s have a little heart to heart. You want to impress the girl so she will give you more sexy time, right? Maybe you’ve been neglecting her lately, maybe you’re feeling a little guilty, or maybe the bedroom romp has just gotten a little too predictable. If she’s still flipping channels on the TV while you’re doing your best work, you might have a problem. Chances are she’s just accommodating you to stop the whining. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

One thing chicks totally dig is sensual massage, and one of the reasons they dig it is that it’s unselfish. Which means you’re going to have to refrain from poking her with the little cowboy until she begs for it. And trust me, she will. Oh, yes. Of course, there is the slightest possibility that she will fall asleep, so better not to try to work it in after the game and before the Tonight Show. Make the evening – and her – your only priority.

A great sensual massage will pay dividends for a long time. She is guaranteed to brag about it to her friends, who will tell her how lucky she is and ask if you have brothers. Goodwill among her friends goes a very long day…women dearly love to be envied. Think of it as our version of arm wrestling.
To get started, set the stage. A light dinner served early, then pack her into a nice hot shower while you prepare the room, low lights, soft music, aromatherapy candles (just smell them and pick a nice one) and a flavored massage oil. Okay, I saw your eyes light up. Yes, flavored. You get to lick things, as long as you remember the little cowboy rule. You also get to be naked, but we’ll get to that. Oh, wait, before we get to the dinner part, you’ve already showered, shaved, and clipped your nails.

If you’re going to be sleeping in the same bed later, you might want to invest in a thick, absorbent oversized towel, preferably one that matches the sheets (just for aesthetics) and does not have cartoon characters on it. That kind of attention to detail tells her you planned in advance. She’ll be suitably impressed.

When she comes out of the shower all damp and steamy and smelling like freshly washed skin (don’t try to tell me that doesn’t turn you on), invite her to stretch out on the bed on her stomach. Begin the massage at her neck and proceed slowly down her body. Don’t put too much pressure or try to knead like the girls in that sleazy massage parlor you went to when you were at that convention, just rub gently in circular motions. The object here is to relax her and make her feel special. If you feel so inclined, you can follow your hands with kisses and licks. The warmth of your hands and relaxing motions are guaranteed to have an effect by the time you reach her lower back, but don’t stop. Work your way down her legs, spending a little extra time on her buttocks, because you know you want to. Lightly caress her inner thighs, but again, keep yourself in check. Massage her all the way to her toes, kiss your way back to her neck, and whisper that she should turn over.
By this time, she should be breathing a little heavy and her eyes should be slightly glazed. Massaging her front is a little more tricky. It’s more about touch than about actual massage. Just use your hands to explore her body from neck to toes, paying special attention to sensitive areas (*sigh* yes, boobies and naughty bits). At some point, she’ll start squirming, moving her body to more comfortable positions… but stick to your guns. Don’t turn off the massage until she wraps her legs around you and pulls you down. At that point, I think it’s safe to say that she’s ready.

If she falls asleep, tiptoe out. This is about her, remember? When she wakes up, you’ll still get the goodies. In fact, you might get a LOT of goodies once she’s rested up, because she’s going to have some very interesting dreams.

A few points to remember:

  • It’s okay to be naked, but keep your distance. You know what I mean.
  • Watch the candles. Flaming curtains can really kill the mood
  • Kids. If you’ve got them, get rid of them. Ditto pets. Fish can stay.
  • Turn the phone off. No distractions.
  • Also turn off computer and under no circumstances should you give in to the temptation to Twitter what you’re doing while you’re doing it. Unless you’re @mchammer, who seems to think it’s okay to tweet during tantric sex.
  • Don’t make crude sexual innuendo or talk dirty to her. That totally blows the illusion that it’s about her. The only acceptable conversation is asking if what you’re doing is okay or whispering sweet nothings about how wonderful she is – and don’t overdo that, or she’ll think you did something wrong.

This is one of the very few times in life that you can do something completely about her that you will also enjoy, way better than going to a chick flick or her best friend’s baby shower. But if you blow it by making it all about sex, it will backfire in a big way. Done right, you can bring the magic back into your sex life… while licking chocolate flavored oil off every inch of her naked body. Need I say more?

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For the Ladies:


Love foreplay (who doesn’t, right)? Take it your techniques to the next level by giving your guy a steamy tantric massage. This sexy sequence, designed by Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, is the perfect way to get his blood pumping—and yours.

Warm Up His Traps – People tend to have a lot of tightness in this muscle, which is located between the shoulder blades. Loosen his by putting some massage oil or lotion at the base of his spine. Layer one thumb on top of the other and slide them up his spine and end between his shoulder blades. Then use your thumbs to massage his upper back and release the tension that’s stored there.

Get His Juices Flowing – Lightly tap the small of his back with the edges of your hands. This stimulates erotic energy, and the nerve impulses will go right to his genitals.

Use Your Lips – Wipe off any excess oil or lotion from his bod. Then, take a deep breath, and run your lips from the base of his spine to the nape of his neck, with one lip on each side of the spine (so your lips are essentially straddling his backbone). Exhale slowly as you move your lips up his back.

Create Friction – Using your hands, work your way up his back from the base of his spine to the nape of his neck. Go slowly and use your dominant hand (so if you’re a righty, use that hand). This is a gentle and repeated up and down motion with the heel of your hand, on a small section at a time, using dry friction to generate heat.

Make It Hotter – Keep the dry friction rub going by stepping up the speed and moving it between his shoulder blades. This ups his state of relaxation and also adds more heat to his bod.

Warm Up His Package – Straddle your man and face his feet. Start at his ankle and use your thumb and forefinger to apply pressure on either side of his tendon as you work up his leg (but don’t apply pressure to the tendon itself). Why his ankle? There’s a pressure point along the tendon that’s said to stimulate the prostate in men and to connect to his genitals. Your guy might notice a tingling in his leg. This is a sign you’re near the spot. He should eventually feel it down there.

Use Your Bod – Here comes the super-sexy part: Get naked (if you’re not already), and use your bod to massage your man. To do it, rub massage oil or lotion on yourself—the more, the better—and slide your front all over the back side of his body (Warning: You might want to lay a towel down underneath him first). Then, have him flip over and repeat, but don’t let him enter you.

This erogenous zone is usually neglected in men. While you’re laying on top of him, use your mouth to lick and suck on his nipples. It should feel really good to him. At this point, the odds are high you both won’t be able to wait any longer to get busy.

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Even though you may not feel it is your thing or don’t think you are very good at it the effort and initiation are worth far more than your own self doubt. Make each other happy.

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