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BDSM: A Healthy Amount of Control

As much as believing that the fun of kink is unusual, it is actually more practical and understandable that these individuals, who have a firm grasp of their sexual preferences, would have a more healthy psychological base. I recently stumbled upon an article in my surfing that states this exact fact with the resoundingly positive marks in favor of the BDSM lifestyle. I didn’t have the heart to cut one word from this document but was sure to sprinkle my opinion throughout (as per usual) in bold parenthesis.

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Bondage Benefits: BDSM Practitioners Healthier Than ‘Vanilla’ People
by Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience

Despite the fact that their sexual preferences are listed in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as potentially problematic, people who play with whips and chains in the bedroom may actually be more psychologically healthy than those who don’t.

A new study finds that practitioners of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, or BDSM, score better on a variety of personality and psychological measures than “vanilla” people who don’t engage in unusual sex acts. BDSM is a sexual practice that revolves around those four fetishes.

BDSM is listed in the DSM-5, the newest edition of the definitive psychiatrist’s manual, as a paraphilia, or unusual sexual fixation — a label that has caused controversy between kinky communities and psychiatrists, who themselves are mixed on whether sexual predilections belong in the catalog of mental disorders. As written, the DSM-5 does not label BDSM a disorder unless it causes harm to the practitioner or to others. (One would only hope…I mean a healthy dose of kink is HARDLY a Mental Disorder!)

Kinky controversy

Nevertheless, some psychiatrists see the inclusion of BDSM and other kinks in the manual as stigmatizing, particularly because studies have failed to show evidence that enjoying sex with a side of pain is linked to psychological problems. The new study, published May 16 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, finds that, in fact, BDSM practitioners may be better off psychologically than the general public. (And I can only believe that this is due to the honesty they share about their preferences instead of feeling the obligation to hide their needs, instead they have to work even harder to find a partner with similar predilections. Trust is a major factor for BOTH partners in a Dom/sub relationship.)

BDSM practitioners “either did not differ from the general population and if they differed, they always differed in the more favorable direction,” said study researcher Andreas Wismeijer, a psychologist at Nyenrode Business University in the Netherlands who conducted the research while at Tilburg University.

Wismeijer did not set out to study the psychological health of BDSM aficionados. His research typically focuses on the psychology of secrets and secrecy. A chance meeting with the founder of the Netherlands’ largest BDSM Web forum convinced him the group might make an interesting study population to look at how secrets are kept and who keeps them.

Wismeijer and his colleagues put out a request on the forum for people in the BDSM “scene” to take a variety of psychological questionnaires online. They also sought participants who didn’t do BDSM via a women’s magazine website, a personal secret website and a university website.

Healthy fixation?

None of the participants knew what the surveys were about, other than they were on “human behavior.” All told, 902 BDSM practitioners and 434 vanilla (non-BDSM) participants filled out questionnaires on personality, sensitivity to rejection, style of attachment in relationships and well-being.

The researchers chose these baseline measures because previous research on those in the BDSM community has focused on dire outcomes — whether they’re more likely to have mental disorders or report rape and abuse compared with the general public. (They aren’t, studies have found.)

The new results reveal that on a basic level, BDSM practitioners don’t appear to be more troubled than the general population. They were more extroverted, more open to new experiences and more conscientious than vanilla participants; they were also less neurotic, a personality trait marked by anxiety. BDSM aficionados also scored lower than the general public on rejection sensitivity, a measure of how paranoid people are about others disliking them.

People in the BDSM scene reported higher levels of well-being in the past two weeks than people outside it, and they reported more secure feelings of attachment in their relationships, the researchers found.

Of the BDSM practitioners, 33 percent of the men reported being submissive, 48 percent dominant and 18 percent “switch,” or willing to switch between submissive and dominant roles in bed. About 75 percent of the female BDSM respondents were submissive, 8 percent dominant and 16 percent switch.

These roles showed some links to psychological health, such that dominants tended to score highest in all quarters, submissives lowest and switches in the middle. However, submissives never scored lower than vanilla participants on mental health, and frequently scored higher, Wismeijer told LiveScience. (Good news to hear…I’d say!)

“Within the BDSM community, [submissives] were always perceived as the most vulnerable, but still, there was not one finding in which the submissives scored less favorable than the controls,” he said.

Sexual health

The study is somewhat limited by a self-selecting response pool and by the fact that BDSM practitioners could have been answering in ways to make themselves look better and avoid stigma, Wismeijer said — though the fact that the participants didn’t know the reasons for the study ameliorates that concern somewhat. The findings are reason for mental health professionals to take an accepting approach to BDSM practitioners, Wismeijer said.

“We did not have any findings suggesting that people who practice BDSM have a damaged psychological profile or have some sort of psychopathology or personality disorder,” he said.

Wismeijer isn’t exactly sure why BDSM practitioners might be psychologically healthier than the general public. They tend to be more aware of their sexual needs and desires than vanilla people, he said, which could translate to less frustration in bed and in relationships. Coming to terms with their unusual sexual predilections and choosing to live the BDSM lifestyle may also take hard psychological work that translates to positive mental health, he said. (This really need to stop being called “unusual” grrr. Just because people who prefer Vanilla sex are typically more sexually repressed shouldn’t mean that this is OK to label others as odd.)

One study alone shouldn’t determine whether a condition is placed in the DSM or not, Wismeijer said, but added that combined with other research, the new findings suggest BDSM is better seen as a lifestyle choice, if a slightly strange one.

“I’m not so convinced that BDSM should be placed within the DSM-5,” he said.

Read the Full Article: http://www.livescience.com/34832-bdsm-healthy-psychology.html
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All in all, I felt a sense of validation confirming that my kink requests in no way label me as unstable or even weak as a self-identified submissive. The fact that I am not a participant in this lifestyle in no way diminishes my predilection for this practice, but I know now that the fact that I am open about my preferences makes me more in control of my mental health.

BDSM: A Dominant

I don’t know what it is about a man that can give orders either in bed or out but it is sexy as hell and is like foreplay to my ears and brain. I get wet just reading about a dominant scene. Where do you want me? How do you want me? Am I making you happy? I want you in charge. So take command. I want this in my Dominant. He need to test me, I want to feel pleasure in pain, security in bondage and confidence in his ablity to want that too bringing me the same pleasure I bring him. I know he is there waiting. Ready for me to take that final step.

I was drawn to the first article below because for me it just clicked. I kept reading and reading and just heard in my head YES! I tried to just pull excerpts but as I moved through I could’t bring myself to cut ANYTHING!
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DEFINING A DOMINANT

So what is a Good Dominant?

What follows is my opinion and in no way states that Mine is the ONLY path to follow, there are many differing opinions out there and I suggest you seek them all. I use the male pronoun as I am MALE though a Dom or Domme is male or female.

What should a Dominant be? The question can only be answered individually, by both submissives and Dominants alike. But here is my rendition of what a Dominant should strive to be.

The Dominant should be in control of himself first and foremost, He is confident, caring, and understanding, He does not allow ego to get in the way of learning, both about himself and his submissive, he knows how to love, And how to cherish the gift given to him.

When the Dominant meets a new submissive He is kind and guiding without demanding ritual of Her, He does not demand respect, he earns it, He explores her mind first, learning her strengths, He does not seek to seduce her , but gets to know her as a person first, building a relationship, slowly discovering if there is to be one.

If he is a good Dominant he does not do this to gain another submissive, but only because he is able to befriend someone, without the trappings of sexuality, He is not a predator, but a teacher, willing to pass his knowledge with little or no reward, but the pleasure of knowing he can, and the satisfaction of helping someone define their own path.

If the time comes when she offers herself to His service, The Dominant is the first to question her decision, to ask her to look into herself and discover if He is what she really wants. He is the first to mention Safety, to volunteer References, and to tell her to seek more. He supports safe calls and public meetings first, her safety is foremost in His mind at this beginning.

If He decides to take the submissive into service, he is the first to mention negotiation, to offer his own personal information , He realizes the danger she could be placed in the wrong hands, and seeks to Guide her in protecting herself, He does not dismiss her worries, for he knows her risks are all to real.

He knows his safety also depends on Honesty, on communication, He is at first only as protective of himself he needs to need be, but open and Honest about his life, tastes, what he expects, he knows that she will be taking a leap of faith, and is supportive of her.

To possess her he Knows he must first earns her respect, to do this He must prove he is what he says he is, that he cares for her, that he would push her limits only to build her strengths, that he is willing to spend the time to learn her as a Person first, then as a submissive , He knows how wonderful this gift is that she offers, and is willing to live up to her trust in him.

To this end , He talks with her , learning her secret needs and desires, and in turn expressing his own, always ready to affirm her worth, to him ,and to herself , increasing her confidence in herself , and in the gift she gives, gently pushing her limits to show her she can be more than she feels she is, that she can go farther than she ever thought possible, Slowly opening the flower of her submission , coaxing her passion for him into full bloom.

If she lacks self esteem he shows her he respects her, and finds her worthy of his time. He shows her she has beauty in his eyes, thus she is beautiful. He focuses on her strengths, to show her of her own power, He softly explains that the gift she gives is the most wonderful gift of all, Herself.

He takes the time to learn her Soul, before thinking of learning her body, as the Dominant learns his new submissive, a connection takes place allowing Him to sense her desires, her needs, her passions. With this new knowledge, the Dominant is able to take his Submissive to new heights of pleasure, to guide her and walk with her as together they seek new levels of love and fulfillment.

In taking a submissive into his service the Dominant takes on many responsibilities. He pledges to help guide her in her path, not only in the bedroom, but in life. He pledges to be there for her when she needs Him, to care for her, ease her pain when she is depressed, comfort her when she is ill, assist her in overcoming her fears and worries, to hold and love her when she needs affection.

He does this because he can, for this is his gift to her… Her gift given willingly, his returned with joy, He seeks to understand her mind, to gaze into her soul, because only then can the two become more than each can be as individuals. She is his most precious possession and he strives to prove his love, much the way she will, every day.

The Dominant does not seek to change His submissive into what he wants, but revels in the chance to show her what she can become. He enjoys showing her those strengths she already possesses, and guides her only, helping her to grow into the person she wishes to be. He coaxes her into finding her own path, but never states outright what that path should be. Once found, He will keep her to her task, gently pushing her to become the woman He knows she can be.

Is there a profile of the perfect Dominant? I think not — perfection is something we all strive to obtain, but never reach. It is the struggle to find perfection that makes a good Dominant. There is no one description of a good Dominant; just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no viewpoint is wrong, merely different. All that can be said is that a Good Dominant should have Good qualities, that include strength, ability, confidence, control, the ability to learn and the presence of mind to know that he can always learn more. He should be loving , encouraging, honorable and chivalrous, he should respect and cherish women and show the respect to others that he himself wishes to be shown.

The Dominant should be sure of himself, and in that confidence not think that to build himself he must look down at others. He should be sure of his ideals, but not so sure that His way is the only path. He can allow others to follow their own paths, no matter how different, without ridicule. If he witnesses a wrong he seeks to right it, but without pressing the view that his way is the only one, only expressing the danger of another’s action or offering his assistance to help guide them out of danger.

He knows the difference between punishment and play, between pain and sensation. He never exerts his power in anger, He never brings anger and hostility into a Scene. He does not use this gift to vent his anger, but leaves outside concerns outside, He knows that to control others he must first master himself.

He can exercise his art to help his submissive become the woman she has always been, deep within her spirit. He takes her gift of submission seriously, knowing that it is not given blindly or lightly. He always remembers how precious the gift is, how rare it is, how beautiful it is. For she has given him something that cannot be taken, but must be given, the gift of herself, her soul, and the Dominant should cherish that Gift as the rare jewel it is.

The submissive should be firm in her femininity. She offers herself to the Dominant freely, of her own choosing. She gives the gift of her submission in exchange for his love, care, knowledge and protection. She obeys because she chooses to, not because she is forced to.

She comes to him a woman, but unsure of her role, seeking His guidance, and quick learn what is expected of her. With this learning, and as he opens Himself to her, she begins to give more of herself, of her soul, her secrets, until all the two can share is learned, building their relationship, sharing their secrets and souls, so they may walk this path together.

There is no power lost, no control wrested from her, she gives willingly, the Dominant giving of himself until an immense measure of trust is built between the two. The sub must trust her Dominant completely in order to give him so much of herself ,and the Dominant must trust the sub in order for him to accept her and her gift.

“Training” (just another word for teaching) is only the process of learning what the Dominant desires. The sub must learn when to kneel, how to sit to please her Dominant, how to address her Dominant, and so on. She does these things because she wishes to, she wish is to please her Dominant in all ways possible. Even the most “bratty” submissive comes to know just what is expected of her and what her Dominant’s limits are.

It is said that the Dominant holds all of the control, and in some ways he does. But this is a consensual relationship. The dominant holds control, but only as far as the Submissive is willing to go. He may push her limits for the pleasure of both. However, the Submissive can walk away at anytime, hard as that may be, if the Dominant loses sight of her needs.

It is said that the submissive has no responsibilities, but a deeper observation shows otherwise. It has been said by many, that the Dominant holds all the responsibilities; however, many of the submissives responsibilities are so subtle as to be overlooked. She must please her Dominant, she must act as He would wish, as her every action reflects on her Dominant. She must uphold his Honor, as He must uphold hers and protect her.

She must have faith and trust in her Dominant, just as he must prove her trust well founded. She needs the strength of will to know when her Dominant is acting in her best interests, and be willing, without embarrassment, to do as he asks her within her limits. Because that is what her Dominant wants and what she wishes; to please him she would do that which seems difficult and even embarrassing at the time, She must not follow blindly, but see that what her Dominant asks of her is for the pleasure of them both.

At times the Dominant may understand that the sub can go farther that she thought, and with the use of safe words, he is able to take her there. For the beginning of all relationships it is most important to abide by the perceived limits, it must be taken slowly. If a safe word is used and the Dominant does not heed the submissives perceived limit, then an important trust is broken.

The use of safe words should be stressed in any new relationship so that the trust and understanding are able to grow. With time and understanding , however, the two can reach a point where the Dominant knows how far the submissive can go physically, emotionally, and spiritually and the submissive can come to trust her Dominant’s decisions.

Even then a Safe word is still an important safety net. It can be dropped in session, but a worthy Dominant still holds the value of using safe words in new and uncharted territory, even in a long standing and trusting relationship. The caring Dominant knows he cannot read minds, even if he knows His submissive extremely well.

The submissive has a wonderful role to live with the right Dominant. With him, she will grow emotionally and spiritually into what she wishes to become, learn to love freely and unconditionally and find the true power deep within her. The Dominant also becomes the man he feels within his soul, proud to be able to walk the honorable path of Teacher, Poet, Warrior and Protector. Proud of his charge and the pleasure they bring each other. Together the two will embark on a journey that will take them out of the realms and limits of society and into the timeless dimensions of the Universe.

LordWolf00 1997

Read the Full Article: http://quintebdsm.com/MasterJohn/Dominant.html
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In addition to this, I found other articles equally enthralling with a voice I could recognize as desirable and helpful in my search for what would make me happy in a D/s relationship. Feel free to peruse and I will continue my research.
What is a Dominant?
How to Dominate a Submissive, Even When You Are a New Dominant.
Responsibilities and Duties of a Dom
How to Spot a Dominant at Ten Paces
The last one was my favorite!

BDSM: Types of Submissives

As I explore my own wants and desires I have clearly registered myself as a submissive. I was actually surprised at how varied that word truly was to the BDSM community. I never thought that there was just ONE way to be a submissive I just thought it was more between the Dom and the sub to make things work based on their mutual desires, like in any relationship, but I understand now why these levels are established. Not all submissives are a fit for all dominants and if everyone wants to be happy then they need to gel and get things out in the open. If you transition into a more restrictive submission role that is between you and your partner to test your limits.
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THE MAIN TYPES OF SUBMISSION IN “BDSM”: Submissive, Slave and Pet

In the BDSM lifestyle there are largely three different types of submissives, and when speaking to them, they will tell you with pride which they are and why. I will give you here some description of those types but before I do so I would like to make clear something regarding my BDSM World. Most will say a slave in comparison to a sub is mostly a female without opinion, she is only to do as her Master desires and in some cases without limits. I argue there is anyone without opinion, desires and much more I do not accept any reference to NO limits. In my way of thinking, limits are always present and even more, a Master’s limits are actually defined by His slave/sub limits but this is a concept I will analyse in some other post of mine. Keep in mind that though I usually like to mention my girl as a slave I am well aware that a slave goes with a Master when a sub goes with a Dom.

I provide you with two different copies that I find really interesting and in () I include my own personal comments

Submissive (sub) – As a sub you submit to your Dom, you give up control for long periods of time. However you have your opinions and your choices and you can still make them. Say you do the dishes and pay the bills, these things usually are still under your control. It changes only during set times and parameters. There is also the thought of the “power balance” between dominant and submissive. Meaning that in a submissive role although you give up the control the power is really still 50/50 just in a different setting and under more intense circumstances. Sex is usually a large part of this relationship and mostly where the submission enters in. Now don’t get me wrong the intensity is still strong and the punishments and pain are real and overwhelming however you have more of an option to stop and this doesn’t spill over into the everyday that much.

Slave – As a slave control is given up completely. The power balance is completely tipped in the Dominants direction. However keep in mind this is a choice the slave makes not something she/he was made to do. Slaves usually are slaves 24/7 (as I explained personally I do not believe there is part-time or 24/7. Those in BDSM lifestyle are always part of this as it is a way of life, a way of philosophy and not something we take a break out of it. Of course, if one anticipates BDSM as it appears on porn movies, then is hard to understand what i am talking about). They may work but when they get home there is no distinction from normal day to a BDSM day, that person is always a slave from the day they ask for that. As a slave sex is still very real and alive however not always the goal and not needed for the Dominant and slave to be in that persona. As a slave the lifestyle is usually (I disagree on that “usually” and i would say the word might fit better) more intense in pain, humiliation and just pure pleasure (It is always about pleasure.Even when it does not involve any sexual act pleasure to serve and pleasure to control is there. I would say instead that in a Master/slave relationship is easier to explore the darker desires of our soul. Talk, accept,admit,explore and find out more about fetishes and needs that usually most people are afraid to even speak off) . Something to remember however is that as a slave this does not mean if the Dominant asks you to break the law or hurt yourself that you should obey on a whim. If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or against your moral values than he or she is not a true dominant. (additionally how far the Master will go, how much He will push his slave’s limits and what practices He will use are pre-discussed, agreed and in event no matter how confident the slave is a safe word should be agreed for any situation the slave would like to stop what is going on. The more a Master and a slave are honest and open with each other the better it is to understand each others needs and what should they do at time. Honesty, communication and trust are essential and clearly time in order to progress and enjoy more such a relationship).

(This last one is something should not be practised by the unexperienced, never for long periods of time and it has nothing to do with puppy play or other similar sexual fetishes.)

Pet – This hasn’t always been a classification of a submissive person and is still controversial in some circles. A pet is more on the side of a slave except for one large difference, sex does not have to be involved. In many cases it is not. If you have become a pet it is to give up yourself and obey, you gain pleasure from the control and the obeying not from sexual play. There can be play but it is rare in this kind of lifestyle. This submission is one of the most dangerous because you can lose yourself mentally because you so rarely have thoughts of your own, you usually do not work and although you may discuss things with your Dominant he is last say in all things.

Ultimately the deeper you go into submission the stronger you have to be which of course is peculiar since you have to give up more of your control with each level. But you have to be very sure of yourself to give up every ounce of control and thought. Taking each step is serious and should never be taken light by the Dominant and submissive, especially if you want to remain safe, sane, and consensual.

Read the Full Article: http://dominationsubmission.wordpress.com/2012/12/20/the-main-types-of-submission-in-bdsm-submissive-slave-and-pet

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Here are a few excerpts, from the very detailed article below, that I thought spelled out how to come into the submissive role, you already identify with, on a level that seemed sensible and detailed.

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SO YOU’VE DISCOVERED THAT YOU’RE A SUBMISSIVE, WHAT NOW? by ~subtleigh (flame)

When we first discover this about ourselves, after the initial shock, psychoanalyzing ourselves, etc, we are eager to find someone to share our lives and ourselves with.  As submissives, we have an overwhelming need to belong to and/or serve someone.  This is a normal need.  We all experience it.

Because of this strong need to belong, many newcomers to the scene make decisions too quickly.  They may meet someone (online or in person) and because there is interest, jump ‘head first’ into a relationship with someone they barely know, just to have that sense of belonging.

Now that you’ve discovered this wonderful thing about yourself, it’s time to learn more about yourself.  READ… READ…READ…

I cannot stress this enough.  Take the time to learn all the different aspects of D/s, S/M, or the all-encompassing BDSM.  You don’t have to like pain, but if you do, that’s fine too.  So explore.  What’s out there?  What are your options?  What’s the difference between humiliation and degradation?  What is scarification?  What’s a quirt, a flogger, a vampire glove?

If you don’t know what your options are, how can you make an educated decision about your life?  You should not expect to find someone out there to decide that for you.  You have to decide who you are, what you have to offer and what you are looking for in a partner, BEFORE searching for the one to whom you will give yourself.  There are so many books and websites out there to read, study, and get the knowledge you need to find your partner.

Keep in mind, however, that books and websites are guidelines, not the end-all to anything.  They are meant to be informative so you can make your own decisions, not recipes or directions of how it must be done.  Even recipe items can be substituted, and if you miss a turn, there is usually an alternate route.  If you find one that says, “You must do X or else you aren’t submissive,” it’s probably not the site you want to be learning from.  And, if you feel you are submissive, don’t let ANYONE tell you aren’t just because you feel differently than they do on a subject.

Read the Full Article: http://www.bdsmdebunkingthemyths.com/NoviceSubmissive.htm

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Her article goes on to detail all of the other self discoveries of being a Novice Submissive.

I look forward to making my own discoveries about myself, I want it to be fun finding out what my limits are.

BDSM: Topping from the Bottom

Long before the 50 Shades of Grey series and even before the 2002 movie Secretary (mmm James Spader) I knew I wanted to be a submissive. As a Submissive in a relationship without a Dominant I can truly say that the following article gave me the best description for what I have been doing to try to “change” my bed partners into my Dom without really telling them or and why that has been unsuccessful. I only recently realized that I was trying to make someone do something to me they were not comfortable with. I was young and I knew what I wanted from my partner but had no idea how to ask or was too shy to ask so I improvised. I was in essence Topping from the Bottom.
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EXPLAINING TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM
By Chloe Thorn Nov 15, 2007

In many Dominant and submissive relationships if the Dominant is new or unsure of his abilities, it can be very easy for a submissive to actually be the one controlling the relationship. As a submissive, this is not what she or he truly desires. However, to obtain the sense of pure Dominance from their partner, they believe they have to control the situation. The Dominant sometimes lets them, which is actually detrimental to both parties. However, this dynamic in BDSM relationships can happen and often.

To understand this we have to understand the reasoning behind many Dominant/submissive relationships. If one were to be able to look down upon the lives of 10 different D/s couples you would see that many of the submissives are ones that in their daily lives have control of everything. They run the household, pay the bills, work two jobs, and takes care of the kids. Submission in becomes their special time to let go and not have control of anything, not what they eat, what they say, what they wear, and most importantly what happens to them.

All they can do is feel, and feel in extremes. However because the submissive is a lot of times the one who controls all other aspects it is very difficult to let go of the control and they start to top from the bottom. This does not mean the submissive wants to be Dominant it usually means the opposite. They want to be controlled and dominated but may not be feeling as satisfied with the technique or lack of harshness in their current submissive relationship.

A few examples of topping from the bottom would be where a submissive during the times of play is suggesting what implement should be used which is a more obvious form but can happen. (Yup tried it) More subtle ways that submissives control their Dominant is by denying things to their Dominant until they feel that it is the right time to give him what he wants.(Yeah this too) One of the major pieces of D/s lifestyles is letting your Master stretch your limitations, maybe trying new things you would have never let yourself try before our of shame or fear. Now this is not to say that you should just put your life in a Dominants hands and have no limits. Please have limits, safe, sane, and consensual play is always key. However if you do not trust your Dominant to punish as needed or pleasure you in his way in his own time, than the relationship isn’t what it could be. (This was where I really fucked up and not only hurt myself but my partner too. I allowed him to emotionally abuse me as my punishment because it was the only way he knew how to correct my undesirable behavior.)

The solution to this could be as simple as putting the submissive in her/his place. They could just be pressing the limits to see when they will be stopped. Once the law has been laid down again this can stop the situation immediately. However sometimes the issue is deeper and something to be addressed more formally. It could be the submissive has deep trust issues, (More like my partner has trust issues and refuses to be my Dominant) if this is the case then counseling maybe the only way to help the situation. Really it can be different for all Dominant/submissive couples so it is key to make sure that it is not a serious emotional issue before corrective measures are taken.

Read the Full Article: http://voices.yahoo.com/dominance-submission-explaining-topping-the-654712.html?cat=72

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