Doubleife – Because one life is never enough

Carpe Diem

BDSM: Types of Submissives

As I explore my own wants and desires I have clearly registered myself as a submissive. I was actually surprised at how varied that word truly was to the BDSM community. I never thought that there was just ONE way to be a submissive I just thought it was more between the Dom and the sub to make things work based on their mutual desires, like in any relationship, but I understand now why these levels are established. Not all submissives are a fit for all dominants and if everyone wants to be happy then they need to gel and get things out in the open. If you transition into a more restrictive submission role that is between you and your partner to test your limits.
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THE MAIN TYPES OF SUBMISSION IN “BDSM”: Submissive, Slave and Pet

In the BDSM lifestyle there are largely three different types of submissives, and when speaking to them, they will tell you with pride which they are and why. I will give you here some description of those types but before I do so I would like to make clear something regarding my BDSM World. Most will say a slave in comparison to a sub is mostly a female without opinion, she is only to do as her Master desires and in some cases without limits. I argue there is anyone without opinion, desires and much more I do not accept any reference to NO limits. In my way of thinking, limits are always present and even more, a Master’s limits are actually defined by His slave/sub limits but this is a concept I will analyse in some other post of mine. Keep in mind that though I usually like to mention my girl as a slave I am well aware that a slave goes with a Master when a sub goes with a Dom.

I provide you with two different copies that I find really interesting and in () I include my own personal comments

Submissive (sub) – As a sub you submit to your Dom, you give up control for long periods of time. However you have your opinions and your choices and you can still make them. Say you do the dishes and pay the bills, these things usually are still under your control. It changes only during set times and parameters. There is also the thought of the “power balance” between dominant and submissive. Meaning that in a submissive role although you give up the control the power is really still 50/50 just in a different setting and under more intense circumstances. Sex is usually a large part of this relationship and mostly where the submission enters in. Now don’t get me wrong the intensity is still strong and the punishments and pain are real and overwhelming however you have more of an option to stop and this doesn’t spill over into the everyday that much.

Slave – As a slave control is given up completely. The power balance is completely tipped in the Dominants direction. However keep in mind this is a choice the slave makes not something she/he was made to do. Slaves usually are slaves 24/7 (as I explained personally I do not believe there is part-time or 24/7. Those in BDSM lifestyle are always part of this as it is a way of life, a way of philosophy and not something we take a break out of it. Of course, if one anticipates BDSM as it appears on porn movies, then is hard to understand what i am talking about). They may work but when they get home there is no distinction from normal day to a BDSM day, that person is always a slave from the day they ask for that. As a slave sex is still very real and alive however not always the goal and not needed for the Dominant and slave to be in that persona. As a slave the lifestyle is usually (I disagree on that “usually” and i would say the word might fit better) more intense in pain, humiliation and just pure pleasure (It is always about pleasure.Even when it does not involve any sexual act pleasure to serve and pleasure to control is there. I would say instead that in a Master/slave relationship is easier to explore the darker desires of our soul. Talk, accept,admit,explore and find out more about fetishes and needs that usually most people are afraid to even speak off) . Something to remember however is that as a slave this does not mean if the Dominant asks you to break the law or hurt yourself that you should obey on a whim. If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or against your moral values than he or she is not a true dominant. (additionally how far the Master will go, how much He will push his slave’s limits and what practices He will use are pre-discussed, agreed and in event no matter how confident the slave is a safe word should be agreed for any situation the slave would like to stop what is going on. The more a Master and a slave are honest and open with each other the better it is to understand each others needs and what should they do at time. Honesty, communication and trust are essential and clearly time in order to progress and enjoy more such a relationship).

(This last one is something should not be practised by the unexperienced, never for long periods of time and it has nothing to do with puppy play or other similar sexual fetishes.)

Pet – This hasn’t always been a classification of a submissive person and is still controversial in some circles. A pet is more on the side of a slave except for one large difference, sex does not have to be involved. In many cases it is not. If you have become a pet it is to give up yourself and obey, you gain pleasure from the control and the obeying not from sexual play. There can be play but it is rare in this kind of lifestyle. This submission is one of the most dangerous because you can lose yourself mentally because you so rarely have thoughts of your own, you usually do not work and although you may discuss things with your Dominant he is last say in all things.

Ultimately the deeper you go into submission the stronger you have to be which of course is peculiar since you have to give up more of your control with each level. But you have to be very sure of yourself to give up every ounce of control and thought. Taking each step is serious and should never be taken light by the Dominant and submissive, especially if you want to remain safe, sane, and consensual.

Read the Full Article: http://dominationsubmission.wordpress.com/2012/12/20/the-main-types-of-submission-in-bdsm-submissive-slave-and-pet

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Here are a few excerpts, from the very detailed article below, that I thought spelled out how to come into the submissive role, you already identify with, on a level that seemed sensible and detailed.

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SO YOU’VE DISCOVERED THAT YOU’RE A SUBMISSIVE, WHAT NOW? by ~subtleigh (flame)

When we first discover this about ourselves, after the initial shock, psychoanalyzing ourselves, etc, we are eager to find someone to share our lives and ourselves with.  As submissives, we have an overwhelming need to belong to and/or serve someone.  This is a normal need.  We all experience it.

Because of this strong need to belong, many newcomers to the scene make decisions too quickly.  They may meet someone (online or in person) and because there is interest, jump ‘head first’ into a relationship with someone they barely know, just to have that sense of belonging.

Now that you’ve discovered this wonderful thing about yourself, it’s time to learn more about yourself.  READ… READ…READ…

I cannot stress this enough.  Take the time to learn all the different aspects of D/s, S/M, or the all-encompassing BDSM.  You don’t have to like pain, but if you do, that’s fine too.  So explore.  What’s out there?  What are your options?  What’s the difference between humiliation and degradation?  What is scarification?  What’s a quirt, a flogger, a vampire glove?

If you don’t know what your options are, how can you make an educated decision about your life?  You should not expect to find someone out there to decide that for you.  You have to decide who you are, what you have to offer and what you are looking for in a partner, BEFORE searching for the one to whom you will give yourself.  There are so many books and websites out there to read, study, and get the knowledge you need to find your partner.

Keep in mind, however, that books and websites are guidelines, not the end-all to anything.  They are meant to be informative so you can make your own decisions, not recipes or directions of how it must be done.  Even recipe items can be substituted, and if you miss a turn, there is usually an alternate route.  If you find one that says, “You must do X or else you aren’t submissive,” it’s probably not the site you want to be learning from.  And, if you feel you are submissive, don’t let ANYONE tell you aren’t just because you feel differently than they do on a subject.

Read the Full Article: http://www.bdsmdebunkingthemyths.com/NoviceSubmissive.htm

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Her article goes on to detail all of the other self discoveries of being a Novice Submissive.

I look forward to making my own discoveries about myself, I want it to be fun finding out what my limits are.

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