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Archive for the month “April, 2013”

Having a Ball

World Largest Collection of Male Masturbation Synonyms

From this woman’s point of view, I have been facinated by the concept of male masturbation. It is interesting to watch, learn and be taught how to handle things for when it is my turn to play. I have had differing views on the practice over the years. Some of my partners have been “difficult to complete” if they came once already that day but others could come over and over in just a few hours (the most was 7 times in 5 hours) but that is another topic all together. What I am saying is I have actually felt jealously, facination and everything in between in response to male masturbation. I guess I have matured to the point now that I am more indifferent about the act but curious just the same because everyone has their own technique.

So I share what I find useful and allow you to “Come to grips with the situation.” hehe


“Just a sec, babe . . . I, er, have to check on my stocks!”
A new survey from adult product peddler reveals that 27 percent of Americans admit to masturbating once or twice a week.

That number seems suspiciously low to us, especially since science has shown that being master of your domain can provide additional feel-great benefits. (Also because the people surveyed were browsing an adult toy website.) “Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist. “It’s totally safe and harmless. It’s healthier than brushing your teeth every day.”

And just as brushing your teeth should be a regular occurrence, so too should be cleaning your pipes. Here are 5 reasons to take matters into your own hands right now. (You’re welcome.)

It prevents cancer. A 2003 Australian study found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Disease-causing toxins build up in your urogenital tract and when you rub one out, you flush the bad guys out of your system, says Brame. (How awesome is that??? It was one of the reasons I breast fed my kids past the age of 3. Cancer prevention that has other major benefits like hormone release is all good in my eyes.)

It makes you harder. As you age, you naturally lose muscle tone … even down there. Regular sex or masturbation works out your pelvic floor muscles to prevent erectile dysfunction and incontinence. “It keeps the angle of your dangle perky,” says Brame. Aim to (ahem) arrive 3 to 5 times a week for rock-solid results. (And seriously, what woman is ever going to complain about that. Viagra would not be nearly as popular either.)

It helps you last longer. Taking yourself to palm prom may help you stretch your sack sessions. “[Masturbating] an hour before a date will give you more control,” says Brame. Train yourself by timing how long it takes you to orgasm, suggests Ava Cadell, Ph.D., founder of If it usually takes two minutes solo, try for three next time. Or count how many strokes you need to get to your happy place. If you’re spurting after 50, shoot for 60. “Most men can double the number of strokes and the time within one month,” Cadell says. Practice makes perfect, right? (Can NOT tell you how many minute men I have met. SUCH a disappointment, especially when he is not willing to lend a hand and get you off too. How RUDE!)

It ups your immunity. Ejaculation increases levels of the hormone cortisol, says Jennifer Landa, M.D., a specialist in hormone therapy. Cortisol, which usually gets a bad rap as a havoc-wrecking stress hormone, actually helps regulate and maintain your immunity in the small doses. “Masturbation can product the right environment for a strengthened immune system,” she says. (And let there be HEALTH! What are those 3 things you aspire for??? Health, Wealth and Happiness… well in the words of Meatloaf…2 outta 3 ain’t bad. Unless you have wealth then good for YOU.)

It boosts your mood. Masturbating releases a slew of feel-good neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that lift your spirits, boost your satisfaction, and activate the reward circuits in your brain. “An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available,” says Brame. “A brain scan of someone having an orgasm looks like a heroin addict’s.” (Of all the addictions to have this has GOT to be the cheapest and easiest to fulfill.)

Read the Full Article:


The following 2 links have tons of information on the topic and have dedicated their existence on the whole male experience.

NOW “Give yourself a Hand” because you earned it.
❤ Z

Beating Around the Bush

371 Euphemisms for Female Masterbation (1-120)

I picked today’s title and several hints throughout the article from this list of euphemisms…and WHO knew there were SO MANY? So the articles I found for this post may or may not be to your liking but they had me thinking, shouting and wanting to share. I have enclosed my personal thoughts in each article in (parentheses and bold)


Men, bless them. They love to think about us masturbating, at least the way they think we masturbate based on porn they’ve seen. If only they could be a fly on the wall when we’re actually pleasuring ourselves. Everything they thought to be true would be rocked. My average self-love sessions are performed without fanfare. Done with bad breath, messy hair, in my old sweat pants, before bed, when I wake up, am feeling stressed, or sad, or bored, or annoyed, or horny. After the jump, some stupid misconception guys have about the way we masturbate.

1.We stick anything and everything in our vaginas. I once had a guy pick up a sculpture of the Eiffel Tower I have on my bookshelf and ask me if I ever stuck it in my vagina. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. He replied, “If I were a woman, I would be sticking stuff in my vagina constantly.” This activated my germophobia beyond belief. All I could think about was what kind of crazy yeast infection I would get if I put that thing in my vag. If I put anything in my vagina — a finger, a vibrator, a penis — I am extremely concerned with it’s cleanliness. (OK who would put ANYTHING with sharp edges into themselves [and don’t you dare talk to me about the dude that broke the glass jar off in his ass.] I am not so much a germaphobe as the author of this article but geez talk about abusing yourself! Veggies yeah just wash and scrub them first, Eiffel Tower NO thank you.)

2. We always do it naked or in sexy lingerie. Men like the way I look naked, I know, but that doesn’t mean I get off on myself. I like my body, but I don’t strip down or put on lingerie to pleasure myself, at least not when diddling alone. I usually have my PJs on considering I tend to get business done before bed to help me fall asleep or when I wake up to help me get my ass up. I’m way too tired, lazy, or un-self-obsessed to take my clothes off. (Sounds about right but panties free is always helpful and since I typically sleep sans panties in a soft dress no real prep work necessary. Who is all that lingerie really for??? NOW you got it.)

3. That the mere sight of a d**k gets us off. I love d**ks for sucking, for f**king, for fondling. But I don’t look at d**ks when I masturbate, I usually think of the person attached to the penis or the act associated with it. A disembodied d**k is not the least bit sexy to me. Masturbation, for me, always starts with an erotic thought, not a phantom penis. (As a rule I don’t need anything if I am ready but porn is fun. I actually LIKE watching videos of men masturbating. But that is me. And yeah it has gotten me off but typically it is from the erotica I read. haha Phantom Penis that is rich.)

4. We masturbate with our girlfriends. This idea kills me. Would I ever call my girlfriends up when I’m horny and ask them to come over for a diddle party? Hell no! Even if I were a lesbian, that wouldn’t happen. Masturbation is private unless I’m doing it in front of a sex partner for fun. (Never done it but I am not a “Hell no!” either. To each her own.)

5. We fondle our boobs while we masturbate. Maybe there are some woman out there who fondle their tits when they touch themselves. But I never have. I am just concentrating on getting the job done. Touching my own boobs doesn’t even remotely excite me. (I didn’t always sensitive nipples. I couldn’t figure out the fascination. I have large breasts and often had very little sensation. That changed when I had kids and breastfed each of them for 3 plus years [it was awesome.] NOW I love nipple stimulation so maybe the author isn’t into it but for me it is like pulling a string and it is directly connected to my pussy. It is amazing!)

6. We need to masturbate every day. Our sex drives vary, lady to lady, and depending on phases in our lives. Personally, I’ve gone through periods of time where I do masturbate every day, or even several times a day. I’ve also gone through complete fondling droughts where I wasn’t into diddling myself for weeks. My self-pleasure drive is usually connected to my mental state or my hormones. I get hornier when I’m ovulating and when I have my period. My sex drive plummets when I’m going through any kind of stressful life event. (Have to agree here. Every day is different. There are days I get really turned on but don’t have the opportunity to ‘Flick the Bean’ because I have obligations or other shit going on but I can go weeks without then all of a sudden I am running for privacy wherever I am for a quick fix.)

7. We masturbate looking at pictures/porn of hot guys or hot girls. I know a few women who look at porn when they masturbate. Not me. It’s all in my head. I draw on past sexy experiences or fantasies when I’m doing it. I do look at porn, but not while I’m masturbating. It will turn me on, then I’ll masturbate, usually thinking about something else. (see #3)

8. We like to look at ourselves in the mirror or stand in front of windows while we do it. A guy once asked me if I masturbated in front of my living room window. I found this to be the most amusing question ever. I realize it was just because he wished he would walk by a window and find a woman masturbating. But no. Never. Watching myself or inviting some random person on the street to watch me does not turn me on. At all. (Tried it [the mirror not the window]… meh. Maybe I didn’t want to watch but it didn’t really do anything for me. As for the window all I can say is I don’t think my inner exobitionist is that into it.)

9. We stick our fingers inside of us. Some of us do, of course, but some of us use vibes or other toys. Some of us just rub something against our clit and never put anything inside. Some of us hump stuff. It depends what mood I’m in or how much energy I have. My fingernails are too sharp for a lot of finger action. I think I would lacerate my labia. No thanks. (I don’t own toys…yet… but I have gotten creative but typically I can agree that my fingers do not always delve inside to get the deed done.)

10. We think it’s really hot to masturbate in the shower. Men probably believe this because THEY masturbate in the shower. Actually, standing up is not an awesome position for me. I do have a shower head that I’ve aimed at my vagina before. I was like, Oh, there’s water shooting at my vagina. OK. Then I continued on with my shower. That was it. (Now here is where I DISAGREE! I love my shower head. [not a toy an essential tool] She was NOT using it right. It takes a skilled hand, patience and the right water pressure. I have it down to a science and standing is NOT a problem.)

Read the Full Article:”

In the following article I took THIS away realizing it was what was most important. It went on to say other revelatory things and the author was very humorous about her experience but the quote below hit home.


She explained, “Orgasms have been very important to my life. I’ve always really depended on them. In a bad mood? Jerk off. Confused? Masturbate. Working on a painting and I’m stuck? Go lay down on the couch and have an orgasm.”

Read the Full Article:

So off I go to double click my mouse…wink wink

Fantasy Friday: Yesterday

Dear Fantasy Forum,

Anonymously I signed in to my accounts, covered my identity in pseudonyms and, with my rough knowledge, tried covering my online tracks to avoid being exposed. The game is so tedious. Sign in, sign out, log in, log out, clear history, delete cache, modify preferences, etcetera, etcetera ad nauseam then delete, delete, delete. How else is a girl to feel secure online? “There are some real creeps out there,” everyone kept repeating. “I am so careful,” I told myself. Until the day I wasn’t.

We were mid chat and I mentioned, “Well… a girl has to have her anonymity.” His response, “Oh I forgot to tell you. I know who you are.” My heart was in my throat. At first I felt a little cocky thinking there is no way. I have a full personality out there to cover the real me. Pages of fake info, nothing with my real first and last and certainly no real DOB, address or digits to my phone. But there was the one little glitch. I got caught in the transfer process. So in a moment of truth I said, “Fine, What’s my name?”

The bottom dropped out when his response came back. FUCK! I was frozen as my actual name appeared on the screen. He already had me promise I wouldn’t run… like I had anywhere to go. FUCK! I am SUCH an IDIOT! Convincing me he was a good guy is one thing. Proving it is another. What IF… so many what if’s. So many berating thoughts filled my mind. I was completely numb. We continued to chat but my head wouldn’t stop. The chores, the drive, the dinner, the surfing but my head was consumed. WHY did I have to be so careless? Turns out it was as simple as forwarding an image from my phone. I missed one step. ONE! I never send images. When I post I always email, then download, then attach or upload. Copy, Cut, Paste Repeat. All I wanted to do was make it all happen quicker. It always happens with short cuts. Measure twice cut once. “Who else knows?” “Who else was I careless with?” I check and double check… no one.

So here I was at the moment of truth. Hearing the words he typed and wanting to trust my identity in the hands of someone I have never met. Someone I want to trust. So I get ready for bed and wait. I am pretty sure we will be meeting now. When just didn’t feel up to ME anymore. I knew it would be difficult to sleep. My insomnia had been at an all time high so I decided to shower before bed thinking better to try something to sleep than nothing and lie awake for hours. I let another hour and a half tick away with a slow paced movie to really make me drowsy. At the end I rolled over on to my stomach, curled my arms up to my head, cocked my right leg and nestled in to sleep.

I felt strong hands glide slowly and firmly up my calves to the backs of my knees. Slowly higher kneading and pressing as they traveled the length of my thigh until my ass cheeks were the only land left to climb. The firm warmth left and I felt the sudden sting of a slap to my right ass cheek. “Are you ready for me? Have you prepared yourself?” he whispered in my ear. I was dumb struck. I couldn’t move or speak. Suddenly his hand roughly investigated for itself to find in fact that no I was not. I hadn’t realized. How was this even possible? A warm liquid sensation came to my attention. He was adding the moisture he needed to make the necessary preparations. “I didn’t want to have to do this for you. But if I have to I will, and you WILL take it.” I was getting angry. But I had also wanted this, talked about this, needed this but I was having trouble. Why am I resisting?

My inner struggle remained right there in my head as his fingers moved over my sensitive flesh, pinching, rubbing, wiggling, and thrusting. Every movement was fluid. I reminded myself that I had made a pact, a verbal contract that my body was his to do with as he pleased. I also reminded myself that if I didn’t want this I wouldn’t be moaning and aroused as a very audible wimper and gasp escaped my lips as his skilled hands traversed my tightly strung instrument.

He could feel my muscles relax and tighten as he mapped the landscape of my body, hear my reaction to each resistance or welcoming of every area he touched and pushed the limits I had feared would be difficult due to my lack of experience. Before I knew it I was placed in position three. I was already relaxed but my mind fought me again. That was when I felt it. The hard numbing slap to my ass that I deserved for my contradiction. For my reversal of his hard work. It came again but this time with a hard pinch. He wanted me present and I wasn’t and for every moment I wasn’t he was going to remind me until I KNEW my body was not my own.

That was when I felt his tongue. His teeth grazed my lips. His mouth sucked at my fighting flesh and then it happened. I was present. Only feelings no more conflicts just acceptance. Like my psyche left the building and all that was left was one big raw nerve as my toes began to tingle and my thighs started to quiver. I gave him access and could feel his smile. It was my job to make him happy.

The bed dipped and changed. I tried hard to stay still. I just wanted to peek. I wanted to know what was coming next and he knew I wanted to. I felt his hand on the back of my neck. It was a precaution and a warning. I relaxed into his touch and he moved against me. Every movement was calculated and specific. I tensed as he thrust deep in one motion. I tried to swallow, to breath through the suddenedd of being filled. I should have known the slap was coming but the sting immediately brought me back. His hands wandered over my ass circling closer and closer to my tight little hole. I hadn’t done my job, I wasn’t ready and I was getting tense again. I gulped and kept trying to remember all of the women in my life who shared their experiences with me. I let their words and descriptions fill me with confidence and tilted my ass. That was all he needed to see before he thrust his well lubricated finger into me.

He just left it there. Waiting for me. The sensation was uncomfortable at first. My gradual relaxation was being wrought through his pressure and adjustments he made as he moved his cock in and out of my pussy. How was this happening? Where is my mind? All of those typed words. The connection, it was all being laid bare totaled and accounted for. Payment in full. Tears filled my eyes. This is what I wanted. My breath sawed in and out. I lept off of my precipice and was gone. Every last resistance left me. I closed my eyes relaxed and took it all in. “Holy vaginal orgasms Batman!” The climax I felt was monumental.

His kisses were there. He was so proud. He made me feel. I heard him whisper “You don’t think I am done with you yet, do you?”

My eyes tore open. I gasped and bolted upright. My breathing was still hard, my heart raced but now it was cold and dark. I was ALONE! How could that have been just a dream? FUCK!

to be continued…?
❤ Zoey

Role Call

“We need role models who are going to break the mold” – Carly Simon


So what do Scarlett Johansson, Rosario Daweson and Zooey Deschanel have in common?
Each of these women is my ideal in body positivity. They are each sexy, goofy, cast in amazing roles, sing uniquely and have a natural beauty and confidence that I make an effort to emulate.

Scarlett has not only been a successful actress from a young age (I always wanted to act) but has worked with amazing directors such as Woody Allen and Sofia Coppola. As the Global Ambassador for the aid and development agency, Oxfam, her Activism work makes her a strong role model for a life well rounded. In addition to being a spotlight sex symbol she is intrinsically a private person and I couldn’t respect her more for it. Ms. Johansson rarely discusses her personal life with the press, saying, “It’s nice to have everybody not know your business.” I agree. I don’t want EVERYONE in my life to know the ups and downs of every aspect of my day to day. There is something to be said for respecting a persons privacy. Everyone deserves respect and she commands it by not cheapening her image with drama fodder for the press.

image14 Rosario makes me smile in every role she has chosen to play. Again an actress who has had the honor of working with amazing directors like Quinton Tarrentino, Robert Rodriguez, Spike Lee and Kevin Smith (yeah I said it, because his shit cracks me up.) Ms. Dawson just plain rocks and I love her natural no makeup look (yeah I am probably fooling myself just let me pretend.) She is also a huge Activist for everything I find admirable from her involvement in Lower East Side Girls Club to her charitable support of Oxfam, Amnesty International and Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

image15 Zooey just has that sense about her that feels awkward and real. I love her voice, her style and her acting. She has the capacity to make you as comfortable as she can make someone uncomfortable with just the expression on her face. Of course she was in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and (500) Days of summer but the roles that will always stand out for me were Gigantic and Flakes, two off beat films that made me smile and feel like she could really be a person in my life based on the characters she was cast in. Her sense of self is “flaws and all” perfect! And her musical career, although not as well known, makes her all the more well rounded as a person to look up to.

Now as for my own aspirations, I would love to act. I have taken classes and participated in small stage parts. I am not currently in a position to audition for anything locally, but it is on my to do list. I love to sing and have been involved in choral productions as well as solo performances. Sadly due to years of smoking, my voice has faded from it’s former glory. Of course, that never stops me from belting out a good song accompanying my iPod in the car (I rock out!) I have been tossing around the idea of doing bit of stand up comedy. I write routines down as they come to me but hesitate to do an open mic night until I feel the act is tight. That never stops me at a social gathering though where I typically make everyone smile and laugh with hilarious stories and antics. My writing is my biggest pursuit currently ranging from the Erotica you are reading here every Friday to Sci-Fi Fantasy Romance, Short Story (life diary) Comedy and Children’s books.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this and make yourself as happy as writing this blog makes me.

Passion Food

I have tried the edible underwear and body paint, sexy dusting powder, and all kinds of syrups and liquids to enhance our bedroom antics with food. I wanted to see what else I could find. Below are all the new and creative ways I could find to reinvigorate my experience with food and sex.

This was my favorite answer
‘What Foods Should be Use During Sex?’
A: What do YOU mean by “sex food”? Are you talking about food you eat during sex or food to play with? What is it you want to do with this food? Feeding each other can be very sensual. Eating can be sensual. I joke that eating the first peach of the season should be a private experience, done naked.( But it’s not really a joke, some passer by at the Farmer’s Market actually told me once that I really shouldn’t do that in public, I didn’t want to miss a single drop and tastes soo good you can’t not make yummy sounds)
What is it you have in mind?- Wild Child
Read more on Women’s Health:

It works for ME. I do EXACTLY the same thing!!!!

The MOST Creative Ideas for Using Food with Sex goes to…


Maybe you’ve incorporated whipped cream or strawberries into your hook ups, but you’ve probably never used these treats in the bedroom. Behold, some very creative ideas that involve sugar, you, your guy, and a whole lotta pleasure. But don’t be fooled—there’s nothing sweet about any of them.

Candy Necklace
Turn one of these into an edible garter. Wear it underneath a skirt or dress, give your guy a sneak peek while you’re out, then have him eat it off you slooowly when you get home.

Melted Chocolate
Warm up a chocolate bar in the microwave for 15 seconds or until it’s gooey around the edges but not totally melted. Stand in the tub without the water on or on top of an old sheet and have him use the bar to draw a trail down your body. Ask him to lick it up without lifting his tongue off of your skin.

Blindfold your guy or send him into another room. Suck on the sour candy for a few seconds before running it over five unexpected hot spots on your body—like behind your knees, on your left nipple, near your collarbone. Then he has to use his sense of taste to find those areas. If he gets all five right, pass him a Warhead and ask him to challenge you.

Sour Belts
While you’re making out, use the belts to playfully whip each other’s butts. Spanking releases feel-good endorphins and dopamine, which up the pleasure factor and increase arousal and excitement, according to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., Cosmo contributor, sex therapist, and author of She Comes First: The Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.

Hot Tamales Candy Spray
Use the spray version of this red-hot cinnamon candy to graffiti each other’s bodies. See which one of you can come up with the naughtiest image or dirtiest phrase. And yeah, you should take turns licking it off.

Candy Buttons
Peel off the dots, lick the back then stick them to all the places you want your guy to pay extra attention to. He has to eat them off your body before you switch roles.

Read the Full Article:

A Few More Ideas…


Freeze Please
There are plenty of frozen treats that can enhance your sexual experience, as well as hers. Ice cubes, for instance, can be used for stimulation by inserting one into your mouth before giving her oral pleasure. Or, if you can’t stand the coolness of the ice in your mouth for too long, why not just hold it in your hand and let the iced water drip onto her nipples and/or clitoris? Before long, she’ll be begging you to heat her up with your body.

On the flip side, why not ask for some reciprocity? Let her take the ice cube into her hot mouth while she wraps it around your manhood. The simultaneous sensations of hot and cold will have an indescribable effect on your member (let alone your testes!).

Even kissing each other’s mouths while you exchange the ice cube is incredibly kinky and exciting. Play around with it while it’s in her mouth or hold it in your teeth and outline her lips and face with it. Sex is all about fun, and a little water never hurt anyone.

The Dream Cream
Everyone has heard of using whipped cream to add a little sweet to the treat, but there’s more to this condiment than just simply placing it on her genitalia and licking it clean. Why not let her hold the bottle and place the cream wherever she wants you to lick her? It’s a fun way to discover her erogenous zones, as well as how far she is willing to take this creamy delight.

Once again, for the men who want equal treat ment, why not turn your member into a whipped cream heaven? If she likes dessert, then she’ll love the treat you have in store for her. Or, if you enjoy having your nipples taunted and teased, place some cream on them and watch her turn into a wild tiger.

Sticky, Sweet & Sinful
Not only can chocolate add some color to your sex lives, it is also believed that chocolate stimulates the production of endorphins, which provide a sense of pleasure or pain. Apparently, chocolate contains a natural substance that allegedly stimulates the same reaction in the body as the feeling of falling in love. So don’t be shy; pour some chocolate syrup all over her anxious body and lick until there’s no trace of chocolate anywhere – then start all over again!

If your lady absolutely loves chocolate, why not dip your stick in some and let her have a taste of Mr. Goodbar? You’d be surprised at how enjoyable fellatio can feel when a woman has the pleasure of devouring a chocolate-covered member.

If chocolate doesn’t tempt your palate, then why not make like a bee and provide your lady with some honey? By using a squeeze bottle, you can make a path down her body leading to the end of a trail where you will ultimately spend most of your time. Although it can get quite sticky, what’s wrong with being somewhat “glued” to someone who sexually intrigues you?

Read the Full Article:

So get out your worst sheets, spread out some towels and get down and dirty with something Sticky Sweet or Spicy and it is bound to be HOT!

BDSM: A Dominant

I don’t know what it is about a man that can give orders either in bed or out but it is sexy as hell and is like foreplay to my ears and brain. I get wet just reading about a dominant scene. Where do you want me? How do you want me? Am I making you happy? I want you in charge. So take command. I want this in my Dominant. He need to test me, I want to feel pleasure in pain, security in bondage and confidence in his ablity to want that too bringing me the same pleasure I bring him. I know he is there waiting. Ready for me to take that final step.

I was drawn to the first article below because for me it just clicked. I kept reading and reading and just heard in my head YES! I tried to just pull excerpts but as I moved through I could’t bring myself to cut ANYTHING!


So what is a Good Dominant?

What follows is my opinion and in no way states that Mine is the ONLY path to follow, there are many differing opinions out there and I suggest you seek them all. I use the male pronoun as I am MALE though a Dom or Domme is male or female.

What should a Dominant be? The question can only be answered individually, by both submissives and Dominants alike. But here is my rendition of what a Dominant should strive to be.

The Dominant should be in control of himself first and foremost, He is confident, caring, and understanding, He does not allow ego to get in the way of learning, both about himself and his submissive, he knows how to love, And how to cherish the gift given to him.

When the Dominant meets a new submissive He is kind and guiding without demanding ritual of Her, He does not demand respect, he earns it, He explores her mind first, learning her strengths, He does not seek to seduce her , but gets to know her as a person first, building a relationship, slowly discovering if there is to be one.

If he is a good Dominant he does not do this to gain another submissive, but only because he is able to befriend someone, without the trappings of sexuality, He is not a predator, but a teacher, willing to pass his knowledge with little or no reward, but the pleasure of knowing he can, and the satisfaction of helping someone define their own path.

If the time comes when she offers herself to His service, The Dominant is the first to question her decision, to ask her to look into herself and discover if He is what she really wants. He is the first to mention Safety, to volunteer References, and to tell her to seek more. He supports safe calls and public meetings first, her safety is foremost in His mind at this beginning.

If He decides to take the submissive into service, he is the first to mention negotiation, to offer his own personal information , He realizes the danger she could be placed in the wrong hands, and seeks to Guide her in protecting herself, He does not dismiss her worries, for he knows her risks are all to real.

He knows his safety also depends on Honesty, on communication, He is at first only as protective of himself he needs to need be, but open and Honest about his life, tastes, what he expects, he knows that she will be taking a leap of faith, and is supportive of her.

To possess her he Knows he must first earns her respect, to do this He must prove he is what he says he is, that he cares for her, that he would push her limits only to build her strengths, that he is willing to spend the time to learn her as a Person first, then as a submissive , He knows how wonderful this gift is that she offers, and is willing to live up to her trust in him.

To this end , He talks with her , learning her secret needs and desires, and in turn expressing his own, always ready to affirm her worth, to him ,and to herself , increasing her confidence in herself , and in the gift she gives, gently pushing her limits to show her she can be more than she feels she is, that she can go farther than she ever thought possible, Slowly opening the flower of her submission , coaxing her passion for him into full bloom.

If she lacks self esteem he shows her he respects her, and finds her worthy of his time. He shows her she has beauty in his eyes, thus she is beautiful. He focuses on her strengths, to show her of her own power, He softly explains that the gift she gives is the most wonderful gift of all, Herself.

He takes the time to learn her Soul, before thinking of learning her body, as the Dominant learns his new submissive, a connection takes place allowing Him to sense her desires, her needs, her passions. With this new knowledge, the Dominant is able to take his Submissive to new heights of pleasure, to guide her and walk with her as together they seek new levels of love and fulfillment.

In taking a submissive into his service the Dominant takes on many responsibilities. He pledges to help guide her in her path, not only in the bedroom, but in life. He pledges to be there for her when she needs Him, to care for her, ease her pain when she is depressed, comfort her when she is ill, assist her in overcoming her fears and worries, to hold and love her when she needs affection.

He does this because he can, for this is his gift to her… Her gift given willingly, his returned with joy, He seeks to understand her mind, to gaze into her soul, because only then can the two become more than each can be as individuals. She is his most precious possession and he strives to prove his love, much the way she will, every day.

The Dominant does not seek to change His submissive into what he wants, but revels in the chance to show her what she can become. He enjoys showing her those strengths she already possesses, and guides her only, helping her to grow into the person she wishes to be. He coaxes her into finding her own path, but never states outright what that path should be. Once found, He will keep her to her task, gently pushing her to become the woman He knows she can be.

Is there a profile of the perfect Dominant? I think not — perfection is something we all strive to obtain, but never reach. It is the struggle to find perfection that makes a good Dominant. There is no one description of a good Dominant; just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no viewpoint is wrong, merely different. All that can be said is that a Good Dominant should have Good qualities, that include strength, ability, confidence, control, the ability to learn and the presence of mind to know that he can always learn more. He should be loving , encouraging, honorable and chivalrous, he should respect and cherish women and show the respect to others that he himself wishes to be shown.

The Dominant should be sure of himself, and in that confidence not think that to build himself he must look down at others. He should be sure of his ideals, but not so sure that His way is the only path. He can allow others to follow their own paths, no matter how different, without ridicule. If he witnesses a wrong he seeks to right it, but without pressing the view that his way is the only one, only expressing the danger of another’s action or offering his assistance to help guide them out of danger.

He knows the difference between punishment and play, between pain and sensation. He never exerts his power in anger, He never brings anger and hostility into a Scene. He does not use this gift to vent his anger, but leaves outside concerns outside, He knows that to control others he must first master himself.

He can exercise his art to help his submissive become the woman she has always been, deep within her spirit. He takes her gift of submission seriously, knowing that it is not given blindly or lightly. He always remembers how precious the gift is, how rare it is, how beautiful it is. For she has given him something that cannot be taken, but must be given, the gift of herself, her soul, and the Dominant should cherish that Gift as the rare jewel it is.

The submissive should be firm in her femininity. She offers herself to the Dominant freely, of her own choosing. She gives the gift of her submission in exchange for his love, care, knowledge and protection. She obeys because she chooses to, not because she is forced to.

She comes to him a woman, but unsure of her role, seeking His guidance, and quick learn what is expected of her. With this learning, and as he opens Himself to her, she begins to give more of herself, of her soul, her secrets, until all the two can share is learned, building their relationship, sharing their secrets and souls, so they may walk this path together.

There is no power lost, no control wrested from her, she gives willingly, the Dominant giving of himself until an immense measure of trust is built between the two. The sub must trust her Dominant completely in order to give him so much of herself ,and the Dominant must trust the sub in order for him to accept her and her gift.

“Training” (just another word for teaching) is only the process of learning what the Dominant desires. The sub must learn when to kneel, how to sit to please her Dominant, how to address her Dominant, and so on. She does these things because she wishes to, she wish is to please her Dominant in all ways possible. Even the most “bratty” submissive comes to know just what is expected of her and what her Dominant’s limits are.

It is said that the Dominant holds all of the control, and in some ways he does. But this is a consensual relationship. The dominant holds control, but only as far as the Submissive is willing to go. He may push her limits for the pleasure of both. However, the Submissive can walk away at anytime, hard as that may be, if the Dominant loses sight of her needs.

It is said that the submissive has no responsibilities, but a deeper observation shows otherwise. It has been said by many, that the Dominant holds all the responsibilities; however, many of the submissives responsibilities are so subtle as to be overlooked. She must please her Dominant, she must act as He would wish, as her every action reflects on her Dominant. She must uphold his Honor, as He must uphold hers and protect her.

She must have faith and trust in her Dominant, just as he must prove her trust well founded. She needs the strength of will to know when her Dominant is acting in her best interests, and be willing, without embarrassment, to do as he asks her within her limits. Because that is what her Dominant wants and what she wishes; to please him she would do that which seems difficult and even embarrassing at the time, She must not follow blindly, but see that what her Dominant asks of her is for the pleasure of them both.

At times the Dominant may understand that the sub can go farther that she thought, and with the use of safe words, he is able to take her there. For the beginning of all relationships it is most important to abide by the perceived limits, it must be taken slowly. If a safe word is used and the Dominant does not heed the submissives perceived limit, then an important trust is broken.

The use of safe words should be stressed in any new relationship so that the trust and understanding are able to grow. With time and understanding , however, the two can reach a point where the Dominant knows how far the submissive can go physically, emotionally, and spiritually and the submissive can come to trust her Dominant’s decisions.

Even then a Safe word is still an important safety net. It can be dropped in session, but a worthy Dominant still holds the value of using safe words in new and uncharted territory, even in a long standing and trusting relationship. The caring Dominant knows he cannot read minds, even if he knows His submissive extremely well.

The submissive has a wonderful role to live with the right Dominant. With him, she will grow emotionally and spiritually into what she wishes to become, learn to love freely and unconditionally and find the true power deep within her. The Dominant also becomes the man he feels within his soul, proud to be able to walk the honorable path of Teacher, Poet, Warrior and Protector. Proud of his charge and the pleasure they bring each other. Together the two will embark on a journey that will take them out of the realms and limits of society and into the timeless dimensions of the Universe.

LordWolf00 1997

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In addition to this, I found other articles equally enthralling with a voice I could recognize as desirable and helpful in my search for what would make me happy in a D/s relationship. Feel free to peruse and I will continue my research.
What is a Dominant?
How to Dominate a Submissive, Even When You Are a New Dominant.
Responsibilities and Duties of a Dom
How to Spot a Dominant at Ten Paces
The last one was my favorite!

Fantasy Friday: Fever Cabin

Dear Fantasy Forum,

I had become accustomed to being alone. It is so secluded here so why wouldn’t I? I didn’t feel comfortable at first in my new surroundings but as the summer progressed the complete solitude felt like a protective shield. After an extended period a natural evolution gradually found me outdoors with less and less on my body. The first day I went outdoors in just panties and a bra I was frantic and excited. My eyes kept darting around the woods and lake to see if anyone could spy my form. I worked on my garden, went swimming, fished, cleaned up and made my food. Day in and day out my life was a steady routine that had a level of comfort and peace I hadn’t know before this. The cabin was small and easy to maintain and it was even cool enough to light a fire each night. Finally one morning I just woke up and went outside. No thought to my attire, I just wanted to be outside and from then on I was hooked. I hadn’t seen anyone in up here in months so why not. Being naked outdoors felt liberating. I would lay in the grass and feel the sun warm my skin and eventually even found myself just enjoying the feel of my own skin running my hands over my arms, breasts, belly, legs and between. I hadn’t been with a man in a while. This was my time, my happiness so I was going to enjoy myself FULLY.

My trips into town, every other week, produced stares from the locals because I had purposefully neglected to introduce myself to the neighboring townspeople. I just wanted my time to myself and I knew getting to know any of them would simply be an invitation for them to visit me. This week felt different some how. Like a new pair of eyes was on me. I felt hunted. I went into the general store grabbed my usual products and staples packed up the truck and headed back to the cabin. I couldn’t place my unease. It was always the same. The women scoweled at me for not wanting to socialize with them, thinking I was a snobby city girl, and the men openly gaped at my …independence haha no probably my giant tits and swaying ass in the shorts and tank I typically wore to the store. No wonder the women hated me, but fuck it I don’t want to steal any of the men in their small town, I just wanted to be left alone. Until I realized I didn’t.

The feeling of being watched followed me down the road despite the fact that there wasn’t a car in sight. I was careful everytime I left town, to take a different route back and cover the driveway over as I came and went in order to disguise the entrance to my property. When I bought the land 10 years ago it came with the rustic cabin. I rehabbed in bits and pieces traveling in with all of my supplies for a weekends worth of work and then disappear again. I never bought my things in the town, until I moved here, and nobody in town knew my name or where I lived. Being off the grid was spectacular! No phone, no mail, no worries just me.

I shrugged off the watched feeling in a few short days and was back to my routine of prancing about naked and loving myself. I danced to my solar powered stereo system that was comprised of an iPod and a stereo dock. I made grass and branch baskets for collecting eggs, berries and vegetables. As careful as I was I with my personal safety I still registered an occasional watched feeling but dismissed it as the usual paranoia that comes with solitude and went on with my days. The first indication that I was, in fact, being watched came when I was fishing one evening with the sun to my back. I caught the flash of light. It was well above the water in the woods on the opposite shore of the lake, like the reflection of glass in the sun. I casually reeled in my line, gathered my gear and headed back to the cabin. My pulse was racing, my head was light and I couldn’t figure out if I was disappointed or excited.

The next morning I woke up and decided that I was excited. How long have I been under observation? What have they seen me do? Who is it? Have I seen him in town? Does anyone else know? Small towns talk and have few secrets, but I was so careful. No one even knows my name. As my mind raced over all of these questions through the night, I kept coming back to the same conclusion. This is about my happiness and my needs so how can I have fun with this? I strolled outside and made my decision. I stretched nice and tall and just went about my day. I didn’t know exactly when I was being watched but I did want to make the show exciting. I had a new spring in my step. My new found exibitionist was being set free.

I had weeks to get used to being in my own skin and now I was confident and comfortable. I immediately realized that an early morning swim was completely called for. The sun had only been up for an hour so the dew was still clinging to the grasses and leaves as I strolled to the shore. Skinny dipping in the spring-fed lake was chilly and refreshing and pebbled my nipples immediately. The shock to my skin felt invigorating. My excitement ratcheted up and I started looking forward to my day. I wanted to get absorbed in my routine but was too amped up to fall into it. I needed something to calm my nerves so I again sat on my dock and sunk into the relaxing rhythm of fishing this time with the sun drenching my chilled skin with warmth and light. In a few hours I had already caught my lunch and dinner so I set out for the garden while my catch remained fresh alive on a stringer off the dock.

On my hands and knees pulling weeds I felt aware again of being watched. So with a slow hidden smile on my face I began to accentuate my moves, swaying my ass, crawling around the dirt and flaunting myself proudly. I was happier and hotter than I had been all summer and couldn’t sit still. I gathered the eggs from the chickens bending from the waist and talking to the girls affectionately telling them to fluff up for our voyeur. They cluckd and preened as if they understood and I laughed out loud at their display. The afternoon aproached and my hunger surged from all of the high energy activity so I wandered back down to the lake for the trout I caught earlier, opting to cook the catfish for dinner. I cleaned and tossed the fish on the grill and wandered out to the garden to gather some greens to wrap and eat my fish on. I want a sensual finger licking meal and trout is just the ticket for my needs. I melted some butter in the small metal pot to drizzle over everything and sat down to eat.

I sank down onto the dock by the water to eat my noon meal in full view. I wanted to be sure my audience was not disappointed with their show. The trout was succulent and fell away from the tiny bones easily as I peeled the morsels away and dip each piece in the butter to my side. As each slippery drip falls to my legs, my breasts and down my chin I lick my fingers thoroughly with each bite drawing out the meal into a slow dance of drawing the fish to my mouth. The tastes swirling and the excitement of the meal as it concludes all to fast has flushed my face and has my heart racing despite my novice approach to seductive eating. I wanted to find my peace again so instead of finishing my afternoon chores I decideed to lie back on the dock to relax and possibly nap. The water sways the dock gently creating a soothing motion that quickly had me dozing.

Waking to the sound of water breaking near me has me groggily glancing to the side. I know I have been asleep but unsure of how long. Time is of no consequence here. Shielding the late sun from my eyes I see ripples in the water without a source. I turn my head back and close my eyes writing it of as a lucky fish after a tasty meal. After a few more moments of lying there half asleep I again hear the breaking of water closer as well as the intake of air. I was still a bit sleepy but much more aware that it was no fish that broke the surface. When I lift my head to see, the light catches his form climbing the dock directly at my feet. My entire body locks down and I am left helplessly immobile staring at him. My mind is slow to cach up as he pulls himself on deck and slowly aproaches my prone form on his hands and knees. His eyes are sharp and piercing and he is bearing down on me. Without a word be leans in sticks out his tongue and licks a long line up my thigh where the butter had dripped onto my skin. Again he stares into my eyes, as a sort of challenge, and lowers his lips to my belly and laps the oily residue from now quivering stomach. When he looks up again I know exactly where he is going to lick next. His mouth descends onto my breast and instead of licking sucks hard on my nipple making me moan loudly without compunction. The feeling travels instantaniously to between my legs which are now open wide as he has crawled up and wedged himself between them. I want to devour him. I want him devor me and I pull him closer wrapping my legs around him for a closer fit.

His growl is audible as he dives for my mouth and plunges his tongue into my waiting breath. He kisses me deeply and my panting breaths are coming in short bursts as he begins to grind his hips against my heated core. My head is swimming at all of the sensations coming at once. I am starved for his attention, his body, this raw animal connection. I knew what I was doing. My mouth moves to his neck as he kneads my aching breasts. My hands move feverishly over his back pulling him to me for more contact. With his lips he descends back down my body licking and sucking a path to my wet lips below. My back arches as I feel his tongue thoroughly explore my inner folds and dip inside my heated core up to my sensitive nub. My moans urge him on the as he begins massaging first one then two finger deep inside me. My climax rushes to the surface with a piercing scream and numbed toes.

Climbing back up my body he kisses me deeply again and swallows my gasp for breath as he plunges himself deep within me. I enthusiastically anchor my feet down onto the deck and match him thrust for thrust. I drive him into a frenzy as he trys to take control and not letting him. Grabbing both my hands into one of his, he pins me down easily and yanks my thigh up placing my foot over his shoulder taking complete power away from me. I am at the mercy of his pace now. He teases me with long slow strokes then drives into me with pounding force till I am forced agian to climax from the constant friction on my clit. He rides out every wave of my contracting muscles and still presses on.

I am completely out of my element. Sensations continue to build and I have no idea what will come next. Suddenly he lifts me, flips me over and grabs my hips to take me from behind. The new position has me reeling with new pleasure. His hand snakes down to my tender flesh and begins stroking again. Between the swaying of the dock and the more exposed angle he is deeper and harder that before. The faster he goes, the faster I speed toward release until I cy out for the third time. His plunges become erratic and out of control as his own orgasm takes him over the edge. He collapses over me, the both of us panting and gasping. My arms give out and he gathers me to his side spooning my back to his chest nibbling and kissing my sweat soaked neck and hair. I am delirious and overwhelmed as my muscles release their tension and succumb to a liquid state of being. My eyes drift closed as I am completely comforted by this stunning stranger who has just ravaged my person inside and out. And the last thing that comes to mind before I drift off into oblivion is “I wonder what will happen tomorrow.”

Follow this link to read Part 2 of Fever Cabin

Egon Schiele

As an avid art lover and aspiring educator I would like to introduce you to the powerful work of Egon Schiele. He was highly controvercial for his time and died at 28 but his work LIVES in every line. The following excerpts below describes his work and the time in which he worked.


scheile2His work has a specific presence, aggressive, unignorable, practical. They are pornographic. They insist that the erotic is as great and heroic a subject as wars or religion. And they question whether art has to confine itself to representing life second-hand. That’s what is extraordinary about Schiele’s art: it does not comment on life, it takes part in life. It is not like pornography. It is pornography. It is also high and serious art, a doubleness that may only have been possible in Vienna on the eve of the first world war.

In Vienna at the beginning of the 20th century there was a fascination with sex as the subject of speech and image, and specifically, sex as words, as pictures – with saying and showing. When you read Freud’s Three Essays On Sexuality, it’s hard to miss his glee at finding a scientific context in which to say these things, to discuss, in the most clinical way yet with a sly sense of humour, anal intercourse, masturbation, bestiality, sadomasochism, fetishism, and infantile sexuality.

Most of Freud’s daringly flaunted taboos wouldn’t raise a blush nowadays, but the last – and the phenomenon central to his theory of sexuality as published in 1905 – is probably far more troubling today than it was then. The idea of sexual activity in young children is the most assaulted aspect of psychoanalysis. Freud has been accused of misinterpreting cases of child abuse in his eagerness to find evidence of sexuality in the young. All of this is toxically controversial stuff. What is certain is that in Freud’s Vienna, in its modern, liberal surgeries and studios at any rate, there was a sense of revolutionary discovery – by people who had not necessarily read Freud – of desire as the energy of youth.

schiele3And Schiele was exactly that – a raging baby, a polymorphously perverse libido with a pencil in its hand. Yet for all his sense of his own youthfulness in his extraordinary self-portraits, from one done at the age of 16 or so in which he gives himself the romantic features of Beethoven to the late tragic studies in which he crouches naked and looks at us defiantly, or embraces his young wife Edith in a desperate assertion of togetherness – Schiele was in some ways an old-fashioned artist.

Schiele’s drawings engage us today because they seem to belong to a category of modern art that flirts with being something other than value-free fine art, that wants to do something to the spectator – like pornography. Pornography is functional. Art is supposed to be non-functional, and it would be easy – imagining ourselves as defending counsels back in the provincial Austrian courthouse – to make a defence based on the civilised values of his art; to point to the delicacy, the supreme talent with which he reveals the texture of a stocking, the dense roundness of a nipple being touched by a woman who looks back at the artist, the Turneresque washes that give acute presence to the chest and hips and thighs of his Black-Haired Nude Girl Standing (1910).

schiele4No, the brilliance of Schiele is precisely to collide traditional aesthetics, a central interest in the beauty and horror of the human body, with the crass functional intentions of the pornographer. And it is in this collision that he is a radical modernist. He seriously suggests that art can become part of real life – if we put it into the gutter, or at least the bedroom.

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Pleasurable Positions: #1 Yawning

Well it IS Hump Day so what better way to celebrate than to start talking about sexual positions. I HAD to start with MY personal favorite Kamasutra position Yawning. I like to tuck a pillow beneath my ass to get a better and deeper seat too so that he can sit up nice and straight similar to a forward Doggie Style. With her legs spread wide this leaves her clit completely exposed for either of you to enjoy and stimulate. Plus the ‘up side’ to this position is you can play with her breasts, lean in for some deep kisses and transition to other positions easily.



A variation of the missionary position is the yawning position. In this Kamasutra position the female can lie back flat on her back and has to raise her legs. With legs raised she can allow deeper penetration. The legs can be raised to the sides of the man or to his armpits. Both the partners need to experiment with different levels of the legs raised to realize what they enjoy more. Variations in the height of the leg raise can add a lot of fun to this otherwise amazing kamasutra position.

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Magic for your Muscles

I miss receiving massages. It is one of those things that can easily get lost in a long term relationship that includes kids, grandparents, jobs, and basically life. To give a massage is a commitment in time and selfless attention to your partner. Could it lead to sex? Of course. Should it be the motive behind giving every massage NO…well maybe a little but, you need to read your partner and meet their needs. I wanted to remind myself that it is still out there. The following articles were the best I could find to provide detail and suggestions to make your partner really pleased with the level of pleasure you want to deliver.

For the Guys:


Guys, let’s have a little heart to heart. You want to impress the girl so she will give you more sexy time, right? Maybe you’ve been neglecting her lately, maybe you’re feeling a little guilty, or maybe the bedroom romp has just gotten a little too predictable. If she’s still flipping channels on the TV while you’re doing your best work, you might have a problem. Chances are she’s just accommodating you to stop the whining. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

One thing chicks totally dig is sensual massage, and one of the reasons they dig it is that it’s unselfish. Which means you’re going to have to refrain from poking her with the little cowboy until she begs for it. And trust me, she will. Oh, yes. Of course, there is the slightest possibility that she will fall asleep, so better not to try to work it in after the game and before the Tonight Show. Make the evening – and her – your only priority.

A great sensual massage will pay dividends for a long time. She is guaranteed to brag about it to her friends, who will tell her how lucky she is and ask if you have brothers. Goodwill among her friends goes a very long day…women dearly love to be envied. Think of it as our version of arm wrestling.
To get started, set the stage. A light dinner served early, then pack her into a nice hot shower while you prepare the room, low lights, soft music, aromatherapy candles (just smell them and pick a nice one) and a flavored massage oil. Okay, I saw your eyes light up. Yes, flavored. You get to lick things, as long as you remember the little cowboy rule. You also get to be naked, but we’ll get to that. Oh, wait, before we get to the dinner part, you’ve already showered, shaved, and clipped your nails.

If you’re going to be sleeping in the same bed later, you might want to invest in a thick, absorbent oversized towel, preferably one that matches the sheets (just for aesthetics) and does not have cartoon characters on it. That kind of attention to detail tells her you planned in advance. She’ll be suitably impressed.

When she comes out of the shower all damp and steamy and smelling like freshly washed skin (don’t try to tell me that doesn’t turn you on), invite her to stretch out on the bed on her stomach. Begin the massage at her neck and proceed slowly down her body. Don’t put too much pressure or try to knead like the girls in that sleazy massage parlor you went to when you were at that convention, just rub gently in circular motions. The object here is to relax her and make her feel special. If you feel so inclined, you can follow your hands with kisses and licks. The warmth of your hands and relaxing motions are guaranteed to have an effect by the time you reach her lower back, but don’t stop. Work your way down her legs, spending a little extra time on her buttocks, because you know you want to. Lightly caress her inner thighs, but again, keep yourself in check. Massage her all the way to her toes, kiss your way back to her neck, and whisper that she should turn over.
By this time, she should be breathing a little heavy and her eyes should be slightly glazed. Massaging her front is a little more tricky. It’s more about touch than about actual massage. Just use your hands to explore her body from neck to toes, paying special attention to sensitive areas (*sigh* yes, boobies and naughty bits). At some point, she’ll start squirming, moving her body to more comfortable positions… but stick to your guns. Don’t turn off the massage until she wraps her legs around you and pulls you down. At that point, I think it’s safe to say that she’s ready.

If she falls asleep, tiptoe out. This is about her, remember? When she wakes up, you’ll still get the goodies. In fact, you might get a LOT of goodies once she’s rested up, because she’s going to have some very interesting dreams.

A few points to remember:

  • It’s okay to be naked, but keep your distance. You know what I mean.
  • Watch the candles. Flaming curtains can really kill the mood
  • Kids. If you’ve got them, get rid of them. Ditto pets. Fish can stay.
  • Turn the phone off. No distractions.
  • Also turn off computer and under no circumstances should you give in to the temptation to Twitter what you’re doing while you’re doing it. Unless you’re @mchammer, who seems to think it’s okay to tweet during tantric sex.
  • Don’t make crude sexual innuendo or talk dirty to her. That totally blows the illusion that it’s about her. The only acceptable conversation is asking if what you’re doing is okay or whispering sweet nothings about how wonderful she is – and don’t overdo that, or she’ll think you did something wrong.

This is one of the very few times in life that you can do something completely about her that you will also enjoy, way better than going to a chick flick or her best friend’s baby shower. But if you blow it by making it all about sex, it will backfire in a big way. Done right, you can bring the magic back into your sex life… while licking chocolate flavored oil off every inch of her naked body. Need I say more?

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For the Ladies:


Love foreplay (who doesn’t, right)? Take it your techniques to the next level by giving your guy a steamy tantric massage. This sexy sequence, designed by Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, is the perfect way to get his blood pumping—and yours.

Warm Up His Traps – People tend to have a lot of tightness in this muscle, which is located between the shoulder blades. Loosen his by putting some massage oil or lotion at the base of his spine. Layer one thumb on top of the other and slide them up his spine and end between his shoulder blades. Then use your thumbs to massage his upper back and release the tension that’s stored there.

Get His Juices Flowing – Lightly tap the small of his back with the edges of your hands. This stimulates erotic energy, and the nerve impulses will go right to his genitals.

Use Your Lips – Wipe off any excess oil or lotion from his bod. Then, take a deep breath, and run your lips from the base of his spine to the nape of his neck, with one lip on each side of the spine (so your lips are essentially straddling his backbone). Exhale slowly as you move your lips up his back.

Create Friction – Using your hands, work your way up his back from the base of his spine to the nape of his neck. Go slowly and use your dominant hand (so if you’re a righty, use that hand). This is a gentle and repeated up and down motion with the heel of your hand, on a small section at a time, using dry friction to generate heat.

Make It Hotter – Keep the dry friction rub going by stepping up the speed and moving it between his shoulder blades. This ups his state of relaxation and also adds more heat to his bod.

Warm Up His Package – Straddle your man and face his feet. Start at his ankle and use your thumb and forefinger to apply pressure on either side of his tendon as you work up his leg (but don’t apply pressure to the tendon itself). Why his ankle? There’s a pressure point along the tendon that’s said to stimulate the prostate in men and to connect to his genitals. Your guy might notice a tingling in his leg. This is a sign you’re near the spot. He should eventually feel it down there.

Use Your Bod – Here comes the super-sexy part: Get naked (if you’re not already), and use your bod to massage your man. To do it, rub massage oil or lotion on yourself—the more, the better—and slide your front all over the back side of his body (Warning: You might want to lay a towel down underneath him first). Then, have him flip over and repeat, but don’t let him enter you.

This erogenous zone is usually neglected in men. While you’re laying on top of him, use your mouth to lick and suck on his nipples. It should feel really good to him. At this point, the odds are high you both won’t be able to wait any longer to get busy.

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Even though you may not feel it is your thing or don’t think you are very good at it the effort and initiation are worth far more than your own self doubt. Make each other happy.

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